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the mara dyer and the shaw confessions series

[ً @marashaw_bot]

“As long as she loves you, she’ll choose you.”
Kill for you, he means. Which I couldn’t—still can’t—accept.
“Does she?” I ask miserably. I couldn’t despise myself more. “Still?”
Jamie looks impossibly more uncomfortable, shifting his weight.
Turns out I can.

[ً @marashaw_bot]

Go slay the dragon, and save your girl.
x M

[ً @marashaw_bot]

“You gave a child, in a psych ward, a lighter.”
His eyes crinkled at the corners.
“She seemed trustworthy.”
“You’re sick,” I said, but smiled.
“Nobody’s perfect.” Noah smiled back.

[ً @marashaw_bot]

“Good girl.” I cocked my head.
“You’re not so bad, are you?”
Those were his last words before I cut his throat.

[ً @marashaw_bot]

You are an ocean away at a café on Fulton Street. We’ve been there together, I know the address and the name. But you aren’t with me. And I miss you. You are missing from me.

[ً @marashaw_bot]

“You can’t hurt me the way you think you can. But even if you could? I would rather die with the taste of you on my tongue than live and never touch you again. I’m in love with you, Mara. I love you. No matter what you do.”

[ً @marashaw_bot]

I’m so furious and consumed by shame that the last thing I say to her is, “But I never want to see you again.”

[ً @marashaw_bot]

“We’re only seventeen,” I said quietly.
“Fuck seventeen.” His eyes and voice were defiant. “If I were to live a thousand years, I would belong to you for all of them. If we were to live a thousand lives, I would want to make you mine in each one.”

[ً @marashaw_bot]

“Mara is what I want most,” I say to Isaac, meeting his gaze, holding it for dear life. “She’s what I want most in the world.”

[ً @marashaw_bot]

Noah was like the Velveteen Rabbit. I would love his whiskers off, love him until he turned gray, until he lost shape. I would love him to death. And he would let me. Gladly.

[ً @marashaw_bot]

I want her to split me open, to dig her fingers in and pry open my ribs, lick my heart and my blood and my bones. Pick open my bones and suck out the marrow. I want to be devoured by her. And she wants to devour me just as badly. It’s in every look, every movement, every smile.

[ً @marashaw_bot]

They were good people. Brave. Selfless. Heroes, really.
Would I trade one of them to have Noah back?
Would I trade all of them to have him back?
I was stripped of all illusions, about this and myself. I knew without thinking that the answer was yes.

[ً @marashaw_bot]

I would tie stones to the memories of you and drown them before tying myself to you again. I would beg for nothingness, pray for blankness, but there’s no one to beg. I know no God but you.

[ً @marashaw_bot]

“No great loss.”
“No. But you were.”

[ً @marashaw_bot]

Mara,
If your story was a memoir, then mine is a confession. My confession is that I regret it. I never thought it was possible. I didn’t think there would ever be a day, a moment, a second, when I would look back and wish I’d never met you, but that is my every moment, now.

[ً @marashaw_bot]

“You were planned, Noah. Engineered.”Noah practically radiated frustration. “For what?” “To be the hero,” David said, looking at Noah like he was his greatest disappointment. “To slay the dragon. But you fell in love with it instead.”

[ً @marashaw_bot]

You are not mine. You never were mine.

[ً @marashaw_bot]

How many other people had died because Mara thought they deserved it?
“Is anything ever your fault?”
“Yes. Your father.”
“What about him?”
“I killed him.”

[ً @marashaw_bot]

“Password protected.”
“You can’t crack it?”
“Nope.”
“Can I try?”
“No luck?”
“No, I got it,” he said. His voice was weird.
“Really?” I felt a nervous thrill in my stomach. “What was it?”
Jamie hesitated before he spoke. Then he said, “Marashaw.”

[ً @marashaw_bot]

“He could never use you. You own him. You should’ve seen the way he was looking at you while you were out.”
I smiled a little. “How?”
“Like you’re the ocean and he’s desperate to drown.”