Our culture rewards self sacrifice and self betrayal. The idea that it’s a good thing to put everyone else’s needs first while you ignore your own. It’s why so many of us are sick, unhappy, and emotionally repressed.
Our needs matter.
Walking on eggshells is traumatic for a child. They don’t experience safety. They never know when a parent will lose it. Adults from these home have issues with conflict. They either deeply fear it or subconsciously seek it to feel connected.
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Constantly asking people if they're ok and trying to make sure they're are not upset is a form of emotional monitoring.
It can damage relationships.
How to Break This Pattern:
Electric shock therapy couldn’t make gay ppl straight but they rly think having a rainbow poster that says “be you” at an elementary school is going to turn children gay
Reasons to not have kids:
- you’re being pressured
- you want a mini version of yourself
- you want the unconditional love you never got
- you want someone to fulfill your un-lived life
- you’re at a certain age
Reasons to have kids:
- you’ve healed and can provide compassion, empathy, and nurturing to another person
- you have built an emotionally healthy home and want to share it
- you want to provide the space for a human being to become who they truly are
- you understand children have emotional and developmental needs
- you understand secure attachment and how this shapes a child’s brain and nervous system
- you feel deeply called to it in your body
- you’re ready to consistently sacrifice and feel good about it
Witnessing your parents with regret at the end of their lives is a heartbreaking experience. No one talks about how hard it is to grieve the life their parent never got to live.
Life isn’t fair.
Expecting it to be is the root of much suffering.
Instead of searching for fairness, search for meaning. Having meaning in our lives makes the lack of fairness sting less.