Marcus Hagebakken

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

http://t.co/TcRQ8QJaaa Doing shots with a bunch of coked-up velociraptors.

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

http://t.co/vihkGpqIPk Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

http://t.co/ykJdqg9B7Q You might be from Mexico but I'm sure I've eaten more Mexican food than you.

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

http://t.co/03NJkuAnyZ I have the ability to hate people based solely on the sound of their cough.

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

http://t.co/9py1A4OlxB i've got a pilot's licence... and i'm not giving it back to him. luckily he's too drunk to notice.

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

I hope popcorn appreciates what the microwave did for its career. http://t.co/9zNqat3KuB

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

Sometimes an unfollow can be so therapeutic. http://t.co/Qs74OBW4i6

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

Ceilings were just ambitious walls. http://t.co/oqx1D3mkGi

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

http://t.co/lNNoqFjCRh Is there anything sexier than a woman who reads? Yes: Models.

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

Ceilings were just ambitious walls. http://t.co/H4EwHfWOV4

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

http://t.co/t8Zsf9VhBR Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt?

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

http://t.co/ZGdSw7VCIk Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass.

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

http://t.co/LHB6IpA2E9 I bet when you go to hell they make you wear your hair like you did in 5th grade

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home. http://t.co/lSkO7OyLs7

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

Fuck. My iPhone added a g to "sayin'" and now my black friends think I'm lame. http://t.co/YOz1mDio

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

wait, THESE are pistachios? i’ve been calling them wood clams http://t.co/zWfHlMYG

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

http://t.co/eW8E0BO1 Has anything happened since 2008? I've been looking down at my phone.

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

http://t.co/jUaX7Bkp Unless you're telling me how to skip it in the future, your voicemail greeting wastes my time.

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

http://t.co/RQMPCAiQ I'm pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out ass.

[Marcus Hagebakken @marczz]

Look! ---> cnbc10home . com