Mardi Morrison

Lorem Ipsum murderer✏️
Don't piss off a copywriter—she's just a tone-deaf Taylor Swift. 👀

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

A mundane sighting that inspired an extended haiku:

Oh, Costco hot dog /
A tragic turn of events /
Strewn about, cold blood /
Your purpose remains unserved /
Perhaps in another life

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

@JamieFineMusic i’m HOWLING 🤣

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

I wanted to look up where this was, so I typed in the location and Google was like bro that’s the photographer’s name 😂

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

How about springing for a high-security proofreader 🤣

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

When the painting wants to fall down but gets tired halfway through

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

Can’t wait to see what security thinks my massage stick is

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

When you realize your bug bite formation looks familiar

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

Just my bro breaking the news to his client that they’ve been locked out of UberEats because their Uber rating is too low 😬

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

Why does his harness look like a bondage set 🤣

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

This but for my stomach

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

. @googoodolls This #Loot ep made my day!!!

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

Trying to find a loophole for eating bacon like

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

Witnessed an extremely wholesome moment today in an airport gift shop:

Random dad: *points to the socks on the left* “Sarah, you know what you are…?”

Sarah: *points to the socks on the right* “Yeah, well, you know what YOU are?!”

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

.@shondarhimes I’m over here sitting in traffic wondering who Honda Rhimes is 😏

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

Fave part of the grocery store: completely irrelevant toy blocking product of massive conglomerate

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

Do I like him or is he just tall

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

New email signature secured

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

We have peaked as a human race

[Mardi Morrison @mardilgras]

The priorities in my parents’ retirement community >>>