@allisonperryart Hey Allison, I have struggled with this in my relationship in the past but me and my partner eventually resolved the issue. Here are the best pointers I have to give you, hope it helps: When we say we need structure, we don't mean rigid schedules and deadlines and scoldings (+)
@allisonperryart Communicate that gently while showing you're sad/upset. Speaking for myself, I am very responsive to my partner's emotions, I will cry if I made him upset without meaning to and chances are I will never forget doing said task or thing ever again
@allisonperryart Messages got jumbled lol, sorry. Adding on, when your partner completes a task, give them a reward. This can be something very simple, like you do a task they dont like for them, or give them a mint or something else they enjoy. If they fail to do a task and it upsets you (+)
@allisonperryart Gives them rewards when they manage to do a task well, but don't punish or angrily react when they aren't able to do something. I.E, I have a problem with doing boring stuff like putting away dishes and sometimes straight up refuse to do it, so hunny says to pick up one plate (+)
@allisonperryart If your partner stopped because they are struggling with the project, this is the right time for you to step in and help. Try to figure out what's keeping them stuck (perfectionism, task initiation, task breakdown, low dopamine day) and give a solution. (+)
@allisonperryart He allows me to explain myself and say why I may have forgotten and lose track, and then he redirects me by saying "I understand. Please try to work on it when you can okay? Would love to see it finished." Positive reinforcement and understanding works wonders with us. (+)
@allisonperryart We ADHDers have poor foresight in the moment, so it really helps if the people closest to us remind us of what to do. This has to be done GENTLY, without putting pressure or scolding. I appreciate when my partner says, "you had x project going, how has that been?" and then (+)
@allisonperryart The next part is another one we struggle with. Set reasonable time frames to do things. In this case, a kitchen reno could go from a week to a month or three months. Try to account for downtime and unexpected events, as in ordering kitchen cabinets and it taking a week to arrive
@allisonperryart Make a Master List consisting of bigger goals and projects. Try narrowing it down to 3 or 5. Next, make a task list of general tasks. An example: If the big project is "renovating the kitchen", a task for this project would be "research for reference pictures on pinterest" (+)
@allisonperryart What we need is someone who helps us manage our fluctuating productivity, forgetfulness and helps us keep track of the things we have to do. Discuss with your partner which tasks/projects are haunting them right now, and help them prioritize and organize (+)
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@allisonperryart Thank you for this, Allison. I've had horrible mental health throughout most of my life and only a few years ago was diagnosed with ADHD. Just now I've began to stop talking myself down and comparing.