Marge Rosenblatt

Im old, Im Jewish, and my dumb daughter never calls! Now where's my nicotine gum??

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

@DianeRosenblatt Diane, you slut! You are going to pay back that loan right away. Also, take a page from my book and buy your meat at K-Mart

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

@DianeRosenblatt OH MY GOD, DIANE, WAS THAT HORSE?? Diane, horse isnt kosher. The rabbi wont let me in to BINGO night if he finds out!

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

@DianeRosenblatt YOU MEAN *MY* MONEY'S WORTH! And what do you mean by "sort of"?

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

@DianeRosenblatt You dumb bitch! You bought a horse on credit and then sent it to be killed without even trying to get your money back?

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

Sorry I havent tweeted in so long. I spent the last 4 months in prison for an unpaid horse loan. What the fuck is a horse loan??

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

I wish I was on The View. I'm crazier than Whoopi and sluttier than Barbara Walters.

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

Back in the day my stripper name was Lasagna because I'm hot, saucy, and constantly baked

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

Time to sit down with a bottle of Nyquil and and episode of Extreme Couponing

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

@BarryJewburgGol I threw today because I ate a cigarette that fell into my pasta, but I barfed up my lost ring, so it was a good day

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

Im back bitches! I had a bunch of surgery and then me and my bottle of painkillers took a lesbian cruise off the coast of Sweden

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

I thought I was having surgery, but it turns out the doctor just anaesthetized me to shut me up for a week.

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

@DianeRosenblatt Dont try to back out of this like you did when you were supposed to give Uncle Morty's eulogy...

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

...however long that takes

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

In a NyQuil and tequila haze, I wrote a parody of Lady Gaga's "Poker Face"
@DianeRosenblatt and I will release it once I get 2000 followers

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

but in an ironic twist, she only her to sets fire to a bench outside the shop, and she is convicted of arson and vandalism. #Karmasabitch

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

My idiot daughter pees on a mans laptop, she goes on Judge Judy, and is told to pay for the damage, then she tries to set his store on fire

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

http://t.co/y3NaqixO Linda Richman is just a younger, less hot version of me...

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

@DianeRosenblatt No. Who?

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

@DianeRosenblatt You didnt even burn down anything worthwhile, it was a wooden park bench with a real estate ad on it...care to explain?

[Marge Rosenblatt @marge_RG]

If Suze Orman started a cult, I would probably join it...