Marguerite

I aspire to develop the sensibility of Pig from Pearls Before Swine

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

I want the next celebrity baby to be named FlatuLance - who goes by lance at school to avoid embarrassment (or flatú by fancy friends) ... @ your favorite celebrity to spread the word!

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

@itstanvirao CONGRATULATIONS!

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

Going to start replying Babe Truth instead of True Chainz when I agree with something

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

My neck, I'm back, my sleep sched is all whack

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

“You can call me, Al” could be a fun twist on a classic about a girl desperately trying to get a guy named Albert or Al Capone or Al Pacino to ask her out

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

Not even going to fake not waking up from my sleep to update my bio on twitter. I really don’t care. Do U?

I’m also a fan of my now old bio and am going to keep it here for my records:

“be the change you wish to see in the water fountain. A DIME. or a bunch of quarters.”

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

By age 35 you should be eligible to become president if you are a natural born citizen

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

Whole Foods is no place for games. Not when you can accidentally buy $30 eggs.

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

While we’re in the spirit of reviving things: #BoyzInMotion

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

@classyAF3 It’s always Fox!!!

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

@clusterfest @SouthPark @TheDailyShow @arresteddev @ComedyCentral @NickSplat @Ibatvmc @FXXNetwork @alwayssunny That time when a Bluth banana might actually be $10

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

@itstanvirao @realDonaldTrump @JohnnyGalecki @AbrahamLincoln @BarackObama @BillClinton @Oprah @Beyonce

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

@itstanvirao @realDonaldTrump @johnnygalecki @abrahamlincoln @BarackObama @BillClinton @Oprah @Beyonce

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

Cinco de Cuatro! https://t.co/H5pUP4GLJN

[Arrested Development @arresteddev]

On the next... Arrested Development

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

Also is Kid Gorgeous a weird spin-off of Property Brothers? Like is this Jonathan’s version of Val in Broad City except instead of being very drunk he’s just very tired as a tall child?

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

Thought I just had while trying to avoid more physics: What if Sarah Huckabee Sanders can’t realize real lies BECAUSE of her smokey eyes...the ones she quite literally made up (on her eyelids)? Like they’re not real eyes, they’re made-up eyes!

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

You know how in The Office Pete can recite Die Hard verbatim? I’m going to do that with 27 Dresses. It’s always on and I want a party trick.

“I cried like a baby at the Keller wedding.” -me at a party, continuing with other lines from the movie until there are no more lines

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

Nathan for You except it's Nathan for Ye and he just takes Kanye to Wee Britain and orchestrates him getting struck multiple times my Merry Poppuns #IMissTheOldeKanye

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

I just skipped the last class of my college career! Time flies...and so does butter.

[Marguerite @margueritelli]

I was just baited into watching the ending credits of The Joel McHale Show because of his index finger thing that has been on my mind grapes every episode. My theory is that his finger has a mind grape of its own.