Dzuljalalil Ikhram

your tech support guy || maggie goreng junkie || #PermataDunia || KL born & raised

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

It's Sunday evening and for a change, I'm not thinking about work.

I'm not reviewing my calendar. I'm not prepping for meetings. I'm not reading emails.
My direct report sent me a message earlier asking about priorities for the week.
I'll respond Monday morning.

There's nothing happening Monday that requires my attention tonight.

I used to be the person who spent Sunday evenings getting ready for the week. Reviewing slides, checking project statuses, drafting emails.

You know what that got me? Anxiety and less time with my family.

Now I show up Monday morning and figure it out in real-time.

And honestly? It's fine. Nothing falls apart because I didn't spend Sunday night preparing.

The difference is I actually enjoy my Sundays now.

Work will expand to fill whatever time you give it.

So I don't give it my Sundays anymore.

Tomorrow's Monday. It'll come whether I'm ready or not.

Might as well enjoy tonight.

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

Our CFO asked me to "audit" our software subscriptions last week.

He sent me a spreadsheet with 200 rows. Slack, Zoom, Jira, Notion, Trello, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

He wanted me to survey the team to see which tools were essential.

I told him: "Surveys are for people who care about feelings. I care about OpEx."

I deleted the spreadsheet.

Instead, I logged into the corporate Amex portal and reported the card as lost.

Every single auto-renewal in the company failed instantly.

I call this "The Scream Test."

It’s simple Darwinian procurement.

If a tool goes down and nobody runs to my desk screaming within 4 hours? We didn't need it.

The Marketing team was at my door in 10 minutes begging for Adobe. We renewed it. The Sales team was crying about the CRM in 20 minutes. We renewed it.

But here’s the interesting part.

The HR department’s "Employee Wellness & Engagement Portal" ($12,000/year) has been down for six days.

Not a single person has noticed.

I didn't just save money. I quantified the exact value of our corporate culture.

It is zero.

Stop auditing. Start unplugging. If it’s important, they’ll scream. If they don't scream, it’s just noise.

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

I watched Zootopia 2 with my kids yesterday.

While they were cheering for the bunny and the snake, I was mesmerized by the urban planning.

In the movie, the mice have tiny vehicles. The giraffes have massive kiosks. The hippos have water channels.

They don’t build "One Size Fits All." They build "Right-Sized Infrastructure."

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

In my company, we are failing at this. We are committing the sin of Hardware Equity.

We give the same $3,000 MacBook Pro M3 to our Senior AI Engineer (The Elephant) as we do to the Junior Copywriter (The Mouse).

The Engineer uses 100% of the CPU. The Copywriter uses Chrome and Spotify.

Giving a "Mouse" employee an "Elephant" laptop isn't generosity. It’s Capital Expenditure malpractice.

So this morning, I launched "Operation Zootopia."

I ran a script to audit CPU utilization across the company.

If your average daily CPU usage is under 10%, you are classified as a "Rodent Tier User."

I confiscated 40 MacBooks from the Marketing and HR departments.

I replaced them with refurbished Chromebooks and 2nd Gen iPads.

They were furious. They asked, "How am I supposed to work on this?"

I told them what the movie taught me: "You don't build a highway for a hamster. You build a tube."

We recovered $120,000 in hardware assets in one morning.

Stop giving Ferraris to people who only drive to the grocery store.

Nature doesn’t waste resources. Neither should IT.

[Dzuljalalil Ikhram @marhki11]

@zhafvlog Ceh, patut le up mid credit scene. Binawe!

[Dzuljalalil Ikhram @marhki11]

@afiqfaidhy Masuk perut haram, masuk wallet lain cerita bang 🤣

[KucingKerongKuantan @KlutzyKucing]

Tan Sri Tony, the founder of AirAsia, arrives in Kuala Lumpur. He enters a nasi lemak shop and orders a nasi lemak.

The waiter nods and says, "That'll be 10 cents, Tan Sri."

Surprised, Tony replies, "Wow, that's cheap!" and hands over the Ringgit.

The bartender smiles and says, "We aim to beat the competition. We're the cheapest nasi lemak in Malaysia."

“Malaysia Boleh," Tony responds.

Then the bartender notices, "Tan Sri, you don't have a fork and spoon. That'll be three Ringgit for one of ours."

Tony sighs but pays up. He takes his nasi lemak and goes to sit down.

“Sorry," the waiter adds, "there's a two Ringgit charge to sit unless you booked online for just one Ringgit."

Annoyed, Tony takes a sit and places his bag on the seat next to him.

“Tan Sri, you're taking up two seats. You'll need an extra spot for another two Ringgit," says the waiter.

Frustrated, Tony stands up, places his nasi lemak on the table, and shouts, "This is ridiculous! Do you know who I am? I want to speak to the manager!"

“Of course, Tan Sri," replies the bartender.

"I've had enough," says Tony angrily. "I came for a meal and this is how I'm treated? I want to speak to the manager!"

"Certainly, Tan Sri," the bartender says cheerfully. "You can contact him via the messaging feature in our apps.”

"I'll never come back to this restaurant!" Tony screams.

“That's fine, Tan Sri, but remember we're the only restaurant in Malaysia selling nasi lemak for 10 cents."

[ayimrazak @ayimrazakss]

“ENGLISH DENGAN SAYA BANGANG”

Saksikan show komediri solo pertama Ayim Razak yang bertajuk #SekarangSayaTanya

“Kebenaran itu memang menyakitkan, tapi soalan adalah awal dari setiap penemuan”

Tiket: https://t.co/A3Q73H8lgh

[The Knowledge Bank @xKnowledgeBANK]

😂

[Hussain Ibarra @HussainIbarra]

You've been lied to.

ADHD isn't a mental disease you can cure by taking pills.

It's a superpower.

Once you harness it, you'll become unstoppable.

Here's what you can do to turn ADHD into a superpower:

[Aiman Psikologi 🧠🇲🇾 @AimanPsikologi]

"Update report tu urgent sikit boleh? Client nak tengok esok pagi."

Sarah menatap mesej WhatsApp baru masuk.

Jam dah 9:47 malam. Ini kali ketiga dia terpaksa batalkan janji makan dengan keluarga.

Mi goreng dibeli petang tadi masih terbungkus di atas meja. Sejuk dah pun.

[MJ @emjay039]

@SyedAkramin Dia pun tak mau pi mkn dah di situ

[Dzuljalalil Ikhram @marhki11]

@ysmnmhd 🙄🙄

[Dzuljalalil Ikhram @marhki11]

Never write us off. Moto masih hidup!

[Astro Arena 🇲🇾 @ASTROARENA]

SHAH FIRDAUS MARA!

Walaupun menyudahkan perlumbaan pada tempat keempat, pelumba Jepun Kaiya Ota disahkan tersingkir sekaligus memberikan slot terakhir kepada Shah Firdaus.

Pusingan akhir pada 7:32 malam, nantikan.

#GoForGold #SokongMalaysia #Paris2024 #KitaSemuaTeamMas

[Zulhelmi Zainal Azam @zulhelmizainal1]

Moto masih hidup! - Shah Firdaus Sahrom. 💪🏼🔥🇲🇾

@ASTROARENA

[Ernest Ng Bro @ernestngBRO]

If Malaysia Was Anime : One By One (1/3)

[Tukang Puisi @TukangPuisiKP]

Sayur Bahasa
Pyanhabib

[Pelabur Bijak 🇲🇾 🇵🇸 @Pelabur_Bijak]

Lelaki kalau lepak malam-malam minum kopi selalu buka cerita deep macam ni lah.

[Ernest Ng Bro @ernestngBRO]

If Malaysia Was Anime PMX chapter 5. Timeline Aug-Nov2023. This chapter did take awhile to make. One of the hardest to compile. Hope you enjoy this one <3 (1/6)

[Writers Daily | K.O.D.I.N 🇲🇾 @writersdailymy]

Ada banyak lagu lagi sebenarnya, cuma xmuat nk letak..