maria n

Not articulate enough for Facebook

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

Pilate girls are basically MMA fighters

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

Wish I knew how to sing so I can do Billie Ellish covers. Smh.

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

I hope the vibes are good in the girls bathroom today cause I might need assistance zipping up my jumpsuit

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

I don’t know why but I think about the old Kmart that use to be on 50th & L street a lot.

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

This your friendly reminder to scroll through the sex registry.

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

This Salvadoran group chat has me all confused.

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

It’s almost like this dude believes in Santa Claus

[AskAubry 🦋 🐆🦝 @ask_aubry]

This is so sad, it took her husband 10 years to notice that his wife's stocking has gone empty while his and the kids are full.

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

Why are golden birthdays even a thing…?

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

@WOWT6News @BellaCaracta *inserts helpful link to waste services

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

My kids have a loving home, and I’m so proud of that.

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

Mr. Bean really just says one sentence every 10 minutes.

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

Just caught a glimpse of my wedding photos and I’m obsessed!

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

The hardest part of having people over is remembering to close the door when you go pee.

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

Hear me out. Two different toothpaste. The one at night has a little melatonin and the one for the morning has a little bit of meth.

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

Whoever said that bathing children helps them unwind for bedtime. Explain to me the post bath zoomies then?!?!

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

Saturday nights workouts means wine for water breaks.

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

Not a grown ass man sitting on the edge of the 3ft pool asking us to ask our kids to not splash because their phones were getting wet.

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

When you want your kid to go to Kindergarten “early”(missed cut off date by 22 days) but have to passed the exam which is everything you learn in kindergarten. Only to be around peers that need to learn what you learned to get in.

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

Can we just admit that rinos are the only living dinosaur.

[maria n @mariaNeverIs]

Everything bagel=everywhere crumbs