Mariah Schafer

anything I tweet will only be funny to me 💁🏼‍♀️

[Mariah Schafer @mariah_schafer]

@xungguk @ddmote @caareniicole A poet in its truest form

[Mariah Schafer @mariah_schafer]

My biggest flex is that my workplace’s hand sanitizer doesn’t smell like tequila

[Mariah Schafer @mariah_schafer]

I’m the only person I’ve seen in quarantine so would it be that bad if my lock screen saver was of me??

[Mariah Schafer @mariah_schafer]

Said “thank you for your service” to the parking ticket guy today as he put a ticket on my car

[Mariah Schafer @mariah_schafer]

@TatyanaMiles My woman

[Mariah Schafer @mariah_schafer]

Did I cry during my nail appt?
Yes.
Did I tip?
Still yes.
I’ve hit a new high 🙃

[Mariah Schafer @mariah_schafer]

Honey mustard is the most underrated condiment

[Mariah Schafer @mariah_schafer]

Is there a limit on how many parking tickets someone can get? Asking for a friend

[Mariah Schafer @mariah_schafer]

I need some Versace blue in my life

[Mariah Schafer @mariah_schafer]

@joeydg54 Omg