Active communication doesnโt personalize, become defensive, or reject what other people feel.
Itโs important to practice emotional regulation: learning to listen without reacting, learning to breathe, & learning to pause before having an impulsive reaction.
You might always be asking people if theyโre upset, what theyโre feeling or thinking, or have a consistent urge to ask someone if youโve done something wrong.
This is because as a child you had to read your parents emotions, rather than talking about them.
If youโve been raised in this environment you might: โghostโ people you arenโt interested in, disappear or avoid people when thereโs conflict, or you might expect people to โreadโ your emotions without you speaking them.
Weโve seen parents who shut down, avoid conflict, or erupt when theyโre angry.
This teaches us: conflict is โbadโ and leaves us without the tools to navigate it.
Passive aggressive communication is a common style of communicating in dysfunctional homes.
We learn to communicate this way when we witness adults never directly talk about, process, and find solutions for their issues.