Mark Ashenden

I write. Edit. Create. Dream. Inspire. Talk crap. Author-in-training @MAshendenAuthor Driven to help others find their calling. Boom.

[Harry Shearer @theharryshearer]

Not a band to be outdone, Spinal Tap is demanding that the Trump campaign refrain from playing “Sex Farm” at their rallies.

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

FREE BOOK! Share stories about loved ones you miss and be part of my special community book project.
ALL FREE! Interested?
More details here:
https://t.co/sAiP3lzire

#memories #stories #celebratelife #book #booklovers #legacy #familyhistory #grieving #imissyou #emotionalhealth

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

Public utility, #profit, sewage, filthy #water. The wrong industry for profiteering IMO. #Greed ain't gonna clean our lakes, rivers and seas.

'Water industry investors have withdrawn billions'
https://t.co/GsVfStJ5aE

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

Here's a man who should be listened to and engaged with.

[Russ Cook @hardestgeezer]

I’m freeing up the week beginning 17th June to come in to as many schools as possible around the UK and speak to students about the project africa journey, encourage students to get involved with sport and maybe even host a little run.

If you’re a teacher or work at a school and would like for me to come in then please chuck me an email at [email protected] with your schools details, including your town/area in the subject line.

(Completely free & open to any UK state school)🫡

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

Trump-sational #trump

[Victoria Brownworth @VABVOX]

Trump keeps comparing himself to Jesus, so here's #SNL's take on that from Holy Week last year. Y'all could use a laugh, given this awful day. Be sure to watch the entire clip. It's stellar.

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

"While Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing – not once, ever"

Brutal. Beautiful. Thank you @CalltoActivism

[CALL TO ACTIVISM @CalltoActivism]

A British writer penned the best description of Donald Trump I’ve ever read:

“Why do some British people not like Donald Trump?”

A few things spring to mind. Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem. For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace – all qualities, funnily enough, with which his predecessor Mr. Obama was generously blessed. So for us, the stark contrast does rather throw Trump’s limitations into embarrassingly sharp relief.

Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing – not once, ever. I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility – for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman. But with Trump, it’s a fact. He doesn’t even seem to understand what a joke is – his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty.

Trump is a troll. And like all trolls, he is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers. And scarily, he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults – he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness.

There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface. Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront. Well, we don’t. We see it as having no inner world, no soul. And in Britain we traditionally side with David, not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs: Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist. Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that. He’s not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat. He’s more a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of privilege.

And worse, he is that most unforgivable of all things to the British: a bully. That is, except when he is among bullies; then he suddenly transforms into a snivelling sidekick instead. There are unspoken rules to this stuff – the Queensberry rules of basic decency – and he breaks them all. He punches downwards – which a gentleman should, would, could never do – and every blow he aims is below the belt. He particularly likes to kick the vulnerable or voiceless – and he kicks them when they are down.

So the fact that a significant minority – perhaps a third – of Americans look at what he does, listen to what he says, and then think ‘Yeah, he seems like my kind of guy’ is a matter of some confusion and no little distress to British people, given that:

• Americans are supposed to be nicer than us, and mostly are.

• You don’t need a particularly keen eye for detail to spot a few flaws in the man.

This last point is what especially confuses and dismays British people, and many other people too; his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss. After all, it’s impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. He turns being artless into an art form; he is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of shit. His faults are fractal: even his flaws have flaws, and so on ad infinitum.

God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupidity been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid. He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W look smart. In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws – he would make a Trump.

And a remorseful Doctor Frankenstein would clutch out big clumpfuls of hair and scream in anguish: ‘My God… what… have… I… created?' If being a twat was a TV show, Trump would be the boxed set.”

-Nate White

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

@KatharineMerry #motorinyourshorts #amazing

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

China's Bai Yulu is snooker World champion after a nerve-jangling, thrilling, error strewn, magnificent last-frame banger. Brilliant advert for snooker and women's sport.
#China #snooker #womenssport #womensanooker @WomensSnooker @WeAreWST

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

Last-frame decider anybody?

Bai Yulu v Mink Nutcharut

Winner is womens snooker World champion and gets a place on the World Snooker professional Tour.
https://t.co/18EcUZVCCz…
#snooker #womenssnooker @WomensSnooker

[Murmuration @matthud59]

This made me laugh

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

Congrats to Bai Yulu for making womens snooker World Champs final. She trailed 12-time champ @evans_reanne 3-0, survived a respotted black and won a 5-3 thriller. #coolasacucumber #womenssnooker @WeAreWST @WomensSnooker #China #Snooker

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

Right-handed. Left-handed. Big breaks. And you think women's snooker is missing fireworks?Check out China's Bai Yulu. Another fab display at #worldchampionships
#womensnooker #snookerworldchampionship #China #dongguan #snooker @WomensSnooker @WeAreWST

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

Meet China's Queen of the baize Bai Yulu. Superstar in the making... #womensnooker #snookerworldchampionship #China #dongguan #snooker @WomensSnooker @WeAreWST
https://t.co/nVUDS5lv8s

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

Oh my...

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

@Nick_Metcalfe Supeebowl? Super beard more like

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

@ImaniLara @Nike @syncglobalsport Hey Imani. Not heard of Nike. Do they make cars or something? Sounds grand tho you supersonic superstar 😀💥

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

The #Banksy Story. Magical podcast by the brilliant @off_peak_only James Peak on @BBCSounds. I binged it in 2 days and now grabbing my spraycan and stencils. Thank you gents for a stunning ride.
@djoeclarke
https://t.co/uOSAzmGt35

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

@WorcesterRaces Hello race team! The phone number isn't working either! Any other way of contacting you?

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

Good luck Luca Brucel and Si Jiahui. Crucible fireworks guaranteed. Luca's changed a bit over 10 years.
#Snooker #SnookerWorldChampionship

[Mark Ashenden @markcashenden]

Last frame can't go to bed warning. McGill v Si Jiahui 12-12. Both brilliant at times, both playing like nervy 9 year olds at times. Love it #snooker #SnookerWorldChampionship