Junkyard Drawer

70% water. 22% philosophical rhetoric. 11% the stuff inside Stretch Armstrong. 4% wicked at maths.

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

@ginKerafleW Looks more like you're posting memes and smoking blunts while she's withering away. How can you celebrate that? And more importantly, how do any of these other people condone it? What the fuck is wrong with yall?

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

I loved them all today.
I loved them. I always do. But
I loved them all today. Each one
In the special way
They told me they need
To be loved.
I loved them all today. And I'll
Love them all
Tomorrow, in the same
Exquisite ways.

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

@InternetH0F The potato peeler, half the bottle of laundry detergent, and ya mama's vibrator batteries.

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

Seven and a half BILLION people in the world. And not one will see this or care that I ever trod here.

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

@POTUS So we're somehow gonna magically cut twice what we produce? How does that make any sense?

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

@CursedPost So was Buffalo Bob in Silence if the Lambs, though.

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

@LionelRichie What was the purpose of that zipper looking thing on the back of your shoulder on your jacket last night?

[Angry Staffer @Angry_Staffer]

I don’t know what the Twitter version of an Oscar is, but just give it to @BadLipReading now

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

I'm watching How It's Made, and an episode came on called Regenerative Medicine. They're showing how to use cartilage cells in a lab to coat a polymer ear so the body doesn't reject an implant. The episode before that, they were showing prepackaged egg salad sandwiches were made

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

Sometimes jelly beans are good. They're red and taste like cherries or strawberry. But sometimes they're blue and taste like Pinot Grizio or Cuban cigars. Fuck them fake jelly beans.

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

@SomaKazima Cleopatra was of Greek decent, tho? She wasn't Egyptian.

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

@VP Then why do we still criminalize attempted suicides?

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

Ghosts are cool because you can blame them for everything. Forgot to take the trash out? Trash ghosts. Burnt breakfast? Toaster ghosts? Get drunk and shit on yourself? Colon ghosts, yo.

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

@BeauTFC But Papa Doc had one.

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

@ConanOBrien Carrot Top?

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

@rossgrady Just wait until you hear what Napster used to do.

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

I shit my pants yesterday, and all my problems are still here. Plus the shitty jeans. Soooo ???

[Somewhatpretty @P4preetu]

One good healthy detox a day 💖 makes your problems go away 😼

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

@I___Aphrodite What IS that? Different, maybe, yeah. But what is BETTER?

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

It's that dark, dark hour where all the caring has gone silent. Every thing seems asleep, while I'm listless.

[Junkyard Drawer @Markedman601]

@erinjenson @Browtweaten Because there isn't one.