Mark Giordano

Comedian/Actor, Voted America’s Favorite Sitcom Uncle

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

How long before kids are allowed to declare Cancelling as a college major?

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

After posting constantly, all year, about everything I did, I’d like to now share a montage of photos of everything I did all year.

All the best for 2026

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

@NHL_On_TNT @BizNasty2point0 looks like a senior at an all boys prep school who’s been left back for 25 straight years.

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

As a certified dating coach I always advise guys, don’t get hot and heavy too soon. You should go on at least 6 to 7 dates with a woman before taking her to space.

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

@92In82 Agree. I’ve never been more disappointed, disgusted and annoyed by a Rangers team than this year. Last year a few people who cover the league said the Rangers were too soft to win the Cup. Last year I was annoyed by those takes. This year shows they were right.

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

@OhRyanMead It’s bizarre how they seem to play better for Quick than Igor.

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

@OhRyanMead If you just win those 5, they’d have 85 points and they’re 2 ahead of the Devils.

Absolutely pathetic team this year.

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

@OhRyanMead These are all bad but these 5 are inexcusable…
1. 8-2 to Buffalo (first game after the 4 Nations break)
2. 2-1 to Chicago
3. 2-0 to Nashville
(Both bottom feeders whose seasons were already over at the time of the game)
4. 4-3 to the Pens w/out Crosby and Malkin
5. Last night

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

@NYRFanatic Especially considering the preseason expectations, this is the most disappointing, disgusting and annoying Rangers team of my life.

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

I watchedthe Oscars briefly in between periods of the Ranger game. The tsunami of ass kissing by presenters fawning over the nominees was nauseating. Go back to showing clips. It might make people want to actually see the movies instead of alienating them. The hockey was better.

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

@NYP_Brooksie Why not put Miller back w Schneider?! They played very well together last year. So much so, they dropped Trouba to the third pair in the playoffs. Makes no sense to me. Plus play Zac Jones and Mancini. The two new DMen are awful.
Fox/Lindgren
Schneider/Miller
Jones/Mancini

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

My brother gave my parents a new toaster oven for Christmas. Listening to their conversation about the directions sounds like it was less conplicated to launch Apollo 13.

Houston, we have a problem 🍞 🚀

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

Walking around NYC during the holidays, there’s so much to take in this time of year. Including playing my favorite seasonal game, “Wet Leaf or Dog Shit?”

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

Instead of setting the time back an hour, you should set it back to when your politics wasn’t your entire personality.

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

CDC recommends not going outside today unless you’ve had two Eclipse Vaccine shots and at least one booster.

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

Earthquake on Friday. Eclipse on Monday. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if I saw a Velociraptor walking down 3rd Avenue on Saturday.

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

“At least tell me which one of you is angry and which one of you is disappointed” 👩🏼👩🏼👨🏻

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

Thanks autocorrect! Apparently, you think I’m a raging alcoholic. I just texted someone “I’ll be there in 30 mojitos”.

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

Humans usually get better at something they do everyday. Like practicing a musical instrument. Not so with my Mom using her smart phone. Every spam email causes, “What the hell is this now?! Who’s this?!” I look forward to our 487th conversation about how she can just delete it.

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

“We didn’t have these outrageous prices four score and seven years ago…”

[Mark Giordano @markgiotweeto]

Monday Motivation:
Whenever you’re feeling down and discouraged, always remember that the guy who caught the Super Bowl winning TD pass in overtime for the Kansas City Chiefs started the season with the Jets. You can improve any situation.