Mark Grassie 🧢

Both of my names are words. But one of them is misspelled.

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

https://t.co/9NesBYar0f

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

@_ItsNotDelivery Licorice gumbo

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

After 18, they may get the vasectomy reversed with the signed approval of the prospective mother. Suggest this to the men in your life as a viable way to limit unwanted or harmful pregnancies. Enjoy watching them squirm. You’re welcome.

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

At 14, every boy should be required to get a reversible vasectomy. When completed, the government puts $5000 in some sort of interest-earning account. At 18, he can withdrawal the fund. We can call it a “Snip Account” or something.

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

Why wasn’t this Jack Harlow dude hot shit when my goofy-lookin, curly-headed ass was growing up?

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

March 10th @BenSimmons25

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

Diapers are much cheaper in bulk

[ESPN @espn]

The Brooklyn Nets have a new big three 👀

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

My resume for Daytime Talk Show Host

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

Burp!

[Los Angeles Times @latimes]

Robert Durst, who was convicted of murder after decades of suspicion dies at 78. https://t.co/cmFNqhNOuF

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

In my head, pegging is still when you huck the whiffle ball right at the runner to get them out instead of tagging them. Whiffle Ball is played two ways: pegging or no pegging.

[J.P. McDade @jp_mcdade]

Who am I for Halloween? It’s illegal for you to ask me that. @ITYSL

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

We might see more white, 30 y/o dudes being Ted Lasso this Halloween than we saw white 20 y/o ladies being Minions in 2015.

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

Hurry! You only have 2 months left to play the hell out of the songs you want everyone to think you listen to for your Spotify wrapped.

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

[scoffs]

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

Looking back, Ben Simmons already had forcing-trade vibes coming out of college.

[Adam Parkhomenko @AdamParkhomenko]

This is one hell of an ad from a Democrat running for Congress. The question is whether people will watch it and share it.

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

Tune in to see if @cj_wentz ever adds a second dimension to his personality!

[Bleacher Report @BleacherReport]

The Colts are set to appear in the FIRST in-season edition of Hard Knocks 😮 @brgridiron

Premieres November 17 @hbomax 🍿

(via @HBO)

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

@BrooksWesBrooks @ALgperri Everyone, no matter their age, is cool if they keep dice in their pockets.

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

My theory is that the outermost lid to the toilet is the world's greatest male-female compromise.

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

@KatieLeeSim And the less christian version of mixed marital arts?

[Mark Grassie 🧢 @markgrassie]

@KatieLeeSim Is mixed sex events like a cooler, more naked version of mixed martial arts?