Mark Hessman

[Mark Hessman @markhessman]

Has anyone ever had more "boss" haircuts than Steve Nash?

[Mark Hessman @markhessman]

Was it everything you hoped it would be? RT @leebrettj: I've been waiting for this day for 24 years. #GoIrish

[Chuck Grassley @ChuckGrassley]

Welcome to Twitter Pope Benedict. U will find it useful and interesting

[Mark Hessman @markhessman]

Got an extra piece of turkey in my Lunchable...just try and ruin my day.

[Mark Hessman @markhessman]

When my low fuel light comes on just as I'm pulling up to the pump I feel like I've really got my shit together.

[Mark Hessman @markhessman]

@Jd3farmer stop it

[Jeppson’s Malört @JeppsonsMalort]

Need a last minute costume idea? Do a shot of Malort and be: "Guy who just saw a garbage truck crash into a daycare center."

[Mark Hessman @markhessman]

@Jd3farmer different guy

[Mark Hessman @markhessman]

A guy just walked into work with a "Home Improvement 'Season 5'" denim jacket on and now I know the meaning of life.

[Mark Hessman @markhessman]

Woke up 7 minutes before my alarm went off just to realize I forgot to set my alarm. Suck my dick, Friday.

[Mark Hessman @markhessman]

Buy some then, cheapass. RT@Jd3farmer: Hey @KipMooreMusic just getting an early start, but "I want tix" for Fridays show in Moline!

[Mark Hessman @markhessman]

It's a Jim Beam and Will Whitmore morning.

[Fact UP @FactUP]

400 million people in the world are addicted to sex.

[Mark Hessman @markhessman]

Guy in the bar just reached into his jean shorts pocket and I heard Velcro. #hard

[Mark Hessman @markhessman]

If I'm going to lose my hearing I might as well be at a NASCAR race.

[Mark Hessman @markhessman]

@JeppsonsMalort The only way to start off a weekend in Chi Town.

[Chuck Grassley @ChuckGrassley]

#

[JOHN ALTER @JIBRALTER]

when I was 22 & I was workng in mail room of a talent agncy in LA I would get a 40 oz & a snickers at lunch & sit in my car & listen to 2pac

[Mark Hessman @markhessman]

Do you like to party? #sorry

[Mark Hessman @markhessman]

I probably don't want to be your friend if a song plays every time you get a text.