mark @markk__n - Twitter Profile

HOW NAIROBI GOT HER GROOVE BACK There are three things I live for: good food, good drink, and women in good dresses. When you come down to it, that is all a man should live for. Beyond making money, staying healthy, staying debt-free, and being secure in the knowledge that you will never vote for Ruto, what else is there, really? I keep thinking about how miserable the 2010s were in Kenya. The feminists were in full cry, and not the witty kind. Fesibuku belonged to the Kilimani Moms, where the national sport was kulimana. Twitter A was full of shit, we couldn’t get a word in edgeways. Instagram was in its infancy. Ulikuwa unaamka, unapata madeadbeat washaanikwa before you’d had breakfast. We had the laziest president in living memory. The music was so bad that Nyashinski had to come down from a ten-year hiatus to rescue us, then ruled the airwaves for the next ten. We had no sex symbol, male or female. Nairobi had no soul. Beyond a few rugby matches, nothing was happening. Few book festivals. Fewer concerts. Burna Boy would stagger onto a paid gig at 5 a.m., drunk, and call us peasants. Davido came on Larry Madowo’s The Trend wearing an attitude. Dark days, those. The 2020s arrived as the stark opposite. No sooner had COVID lifted than Nairobi sat up and stretched. The music turned good again. Suddenly, there were more young musicians than I could count: Bensoul, Coaster Ojwang, Bien. The women were even better. From Nikita Kering to Bridget Blue, Nadia Mukami to Sanaipei, they have been dropping banger after banger over videos that are cool, unbothered, and quietly sensual. And somewhere in there, Nairobi got dressed. I noticed it the way you notice a season turning, one good dress at a time, and then all at once. The city that not long ago treated a clean kitenge as formal wear now does brunch like it is a runway that happens to serve mimosas. Over the last two years, I have seen beautiful dresses and even better legs, and I say that strictly as a connoisseur, in pure appreciation of the art. Facebook and Instagram have become genuinely dangerous to a man’s productivity. Not in a sleazy way. In the way, a gallery is dangerous to a man who likes paintings. Economists have a theory called the Hemline Index. The idea is that skirts get shorter when the economy is booming and longer when it is in the dumps. By that logic, Nairobi makes no sense at all. The shilling spent two years on its knees, and yet the hemlines kept climbing. So either the theory is nonsense, or our women are simply more optimistic than the National Treasury. I know which one I believe. The men are catching up, too, though slowly and with great effort, the way men do. We have discovered the linen shirt and the fitted trousers, and a few brave souls have located a tailor. It is not parity yet. The women are still operating several leagues above us. But for the first time in a while, a man can step out of the house and feel like he is part of something rather than apologizing for it. The point is that there are events worth dressing up for now. Brunches. Road trips. Book festivals. Concerts. Plain old clubbing. It is as though Nairobi quietly got its soul back and forgot to issue a press release. The women clean up beautifully, they are sharp company, and hanging out is fun and funny again. We get along. The tribal lines blur a little more each weekend, usually over food and loud music, and the city keeps inventing new versions of itself. So if you are young, savor all of it. These things run in cycles. Who knows, the 2030s may turn out to be the darkest of the lot. So dress up and show up.

nyanchwani's tweet photo. HOW NAIROBI GOT HER GROOVE BACK

There are three things I live for: good food, good drink, and women in good dresses.

When you come down to it, that is all a man should live for. Beyond making money, staying healthy, staying debt-free, and being secure in the knowledge that you will never vote for Ruto, what else is there, really?

I keep thinking about how miserable the 2010s were in Kenya. The feminists were in full cry, and not the witty kind. Fesibuku belonged to the Kilimani Moms, where the national sport was kulimana. Twitter A was full of shit, we couldn’t get a word in edgeways. Instagram was in its infancy.

Ulikuwa unaamka, unapata madeadbeat washaanikwa before you’d had breakfast. We had the laziest president in living memory. The music was so bad that Nyashinski had to come down from a ten-year hiatus to rescue us, then ruled the airwaves for the next ten. We had no sex symbol, male or female. Nairobi had no soul.

Beyond a few rugby matches, nothing was happening. Few book festivals. Fewer concerts. Burna Boy would stagger onto a paid gig at 5 a.m., drunk, and call us peasants. Davido came on Larry Madowo’s The Trend wearing an attitude. Dark days, those.

The 2020s arrived as the stark opposite. No sooner had COVID lifted than Nairobi sat up and stretched. The music turned good again. Suddenly, there were more young musicians than I could count: Bensoul, Coaster Ojwang, Bien. The women were even better. From Nikita Kering to Bridget Blue, Nadia Mukami to Sanaipei, they have been dropping banger after banger over videos that are cool, unbothered, and quietly sensual.

And somewhere in there, Nairobi got dressed. I noticed it the way you notice a season turning, one good dress at a time, and then all at once. The city that not long ago treated a clean kitenge as formal wear now does brunch like it is a runway that happens to serve mimosas. Over the last two years, I have seen beautiful dresses and even better legs, and I say that strictly as a connoisseur, in pure appreciation of the art. Facebook and Instagram have become genuinely dangerous to a man’s productivity. Not in a sleazy way. In the way, a gallery is dangerous to a man who likes paintings.

Economists have a theory called the Hemline Index. The idea is that skirts get shorter when the economy is booming and longer when it is in the dumps. By that logic, Nairobi makes no sense at all. The shilling spent two years on its knees, and yet the hemlines kept climbing. So either the theory is nonsense, or our women are simply more optimistic than the National Treasury. I know which one I believe.

The men are catching up, too, though slowly and with great effort, the way men do. We have discovered the linen shirt and the fitted trousers, and a few brave souls have located a tailor. It is not parity yet. The women are still operating several leagues above us. But for the first time in a while, a man can step out of the house and feel like he is part of something rather than apologizing for it.

The point is that there are events worth dressing up for now. Brunches. Road trips. Book festivals. Concerts. Plain old clubbing. It is as though Nairobi quietly got its soul back and forgot to issue a press release. The women clean up beautifully, they are sharp company, and hanging out is fun and funny again. We get along. The tribal lines blur a little more each weekend, usually over food and loud music, and the city keeps inventing new versions of itself.

So if you are young, savor all of it. These things run in cycles. Who knows, the 2030s may turn out to be the darkest of the lot.

So dress up and show up.

3

41

6

23

9K

mark @markk__n

11 days ago

@Kimuzi_ Kisiangani podcast is the most entertaining podcast in Ke

0

131

markk__n retweeted

B/R Football

@brfootball

12 days ago

Kai Havertz breaks the deadlock in Budapest after just SIX minutes 💥 The team that opens the scoring has won the last 11 Champions League finals.

brfootball's tweet photo. Kai Havertz breaks the deadlock in Budapest after just SIX minutes 💥

The team that opens the scoring has won the last 11 Champions League finals. https://t.co/R2ZdrW6cn0

280

17K

2K

184

469K

markk__n retweeted

Ohta Ryota 🇸🇬 @Ohta_Ryota

12 days ago

Most strikes in high schools happen during the second term. But GoK has never wanted to find out why. The term is too long, the academic pressure is too much, it is cold and rainy with the same food rations. Make the 2nd term mid-term break at least 2 weeks.

6

347

115

18

20K

markk__n retweeted

biwott @BiwottIV

14 days ago

@breezrill Mantra yangu ni I better try and get an L kuliko I pass up a chance avoiding rejection

1

10

2

1

1K

markk__n retweeted

Beast of Baaden @Muzaimo_

19 days ago

Dialysis is draining man, I'm literally on my knees. I need medication refill and food to get by. If you can spare something please help a brother. My number is 0713393277. Thank you. 🙏🏿

56

9K

8K

234

207K