Mark Parker

SUNY Cortland Football ‘12 | New Yorker by chance, Midwesterner by choice | 34 year old part-time freelance relationship therapist | Full-time sports complainer

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

@s3c_bshaw I second that squeaks! Hits better when you’re with the hometown boys too after the ol’ football team takes her home! Can’t wait to hit the bar tops with you this weekend Jules! I miss you! #friend #goodtimes #buddy #beer #drinks

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

@big_jaquan_ I’m feeling like it’s Brewers season baby. Earning a franchise record in wins makes up for the shitty ass football team up North. I’m going to ride the high of the Crew until about mid October when they get swept by the Dodgers. Please let me have this one Black Hammer. #please

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

The Packers should make history and be the first team to fire their head coach in the middle of the game. This is outrageous. I’ve genuinely never seen a worse performance in my lifetime. Something needs to change it titletown #change #fired #leave

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

Was hoping to have a nice relaxing Sunday afternoon watching the Packers bounce back from their week 1 embarrassment, but we are tied 7-7 with the Jets. Jayden Reed almost got his head torn off and Zach I don’t know his last name has knees of string cheese. #bad #stink #mad

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

@s3c_bshaw Hey friend. Look forward to having a good one tonight. Maybe I can get lucky and not think of my ex-wife tonight. Nonetheless, let’s have a couple beers. Spotted cows preferably. #beer #alcohol #drink #fun #booze #party #bar

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

@big_jaquan_ Your lifetime without a Super Bowl is really weighing on you huh Black Hammer? Must suck knowing you have the best QB in the league yet you can’t make it past the AFC Championship! Maybe stick to regular season awards pal! The Bills can never finish like me with my ex-wife. #sad

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

This TNF game reminds me of the Packers vs Vikings the way the refs are fucking Detroit. That was not a defensive holding. At what point are we going to hold officials accountable? They get no punishment for shitty calls besides empty death threats? #referees #bad #charity

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

I’ve seen enough. Bills to the Super Bowl. If Josh Allen doesn’t win this year. He truly should just choose a new career path. There’s no point in risking your life every Sunday for a little spending cash. Well, it’s a little spending cash to me since the freelance gig is good.

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

As hard as it is to be a Packers fan right now, it is kinda funny to see the Lions get blanked on primetime. My buddy’s a fan so I can only feel for him right now. Is this Josh Allen’s year? My ex-wife says if I looked like him she would’ve stayed with me. #stallion #man #strong

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

Was about to hit the sack but I just saw a Le’veon Bell clip. Man that guy was good. I remember when him and Demarco Murray ran the league. Gosh I’m getting old. That was back when my wife still got excited when I brought home dogwood flowers and mint filled chocolates. #sad

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

The Milwaukee Brewers are going to beat the New York Yankees in the World Series 4-2. Mark my words. If they don’t, I’ll do whatever the top comment says. Whatever the top comment says can’t be worse then what I’m going to do to myself if the Brewers lose another NLDS series #kms

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

@s3c_bshaw @KySportsRadio Another hypothetical win for the worst team in the SEC. Kentucky did so good against Alabama they earned a spot on ESPN Saturday at 3:30 so the whole nation can watch A&M annihilate them! Is that good for the program? #UKsucks #football #america

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

@big_jaquan_ Hey Jaquan. In case you didn’t know, I’m a father to 3 gorgeous little girlies. My bedtime is well before some delinquent like you. I have to be in the sack by 10:30 because I have to wake up at 4:00 to walk my ex-wife’s Doberman. Maybe one day you’ll learn the grind.

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

Have seen a lot of comments on this Sydney Sweeney person? Don’t get the issue with somebody positivity in women’s sports. If anything, the commercial brought more eyes to women’s sports. #body #women #confidence #sports

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

@s3c_bshaw Every time I see Holly Rowe I think of the “Great White Buffalo” that Josh Allen talks about in reference to the Super Bowl. Except I just think she’s a buffalo cause she’s half a ton. Holly Rowe having a job is why Sydney Sweeney needs to keep making commercials.

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

If the Milwaukee Brewers don’t make it bast the NLDS, I think we should reevaluate Wisconsin sports as a whole. Giannis is gone, the Badgers suck at everything besides women’s hockey, and the Packers just got murdered. The only thing Wisco has going for it is beer. #alcohol

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

@s3c_bshaw The only burner I know is the one I left on with my wife and children in the house. Safe to say she got custody of them. Hopefully I learned my lesson. We’ll see. #single #dad #coparent

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

@s3c_bshaw I thought it stood for University of Kan’twinabiggame. Those fools in blue don’t know what college football is. I can’t name one good player to come out of Lexington, except Will Levis who’s only known for having a 7.8 girlfriend that blows like a 10. #GrrrMondays

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

@s3c_bshaw @big_jaquan_ I was thinking of agreeing with you but then I remembered that Michigan State absolutely sucks at football. I think Notre Dame is going to baptize those Spartans. I don’t care if the GOAT Bryce Underwood was under center. Give me the Fighting Irish by however much they want.

[Mark Parker @markparker1990]

@s3c_bshaw @big_jaquan_