Living life 🇮🇪

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

@kevinxu How is it possible if the all-in portfolio was already all-in @kevinxu ?

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

@pakpakchicken What about $xe you had it in the first portfolio screenshot but not in the second one? thx

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

@pakpakchicken What about ur $XE position @pakpakchicken

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

@browomo To which email does he reach out when they dont have a website?

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

New rules for me

As I am discovering more and more the "old world" doesn't work for me anymore: Old world meaning survival game, constant fear, judgement, comparison with others, clear plan for the future, living for "one day" goals.

The "new world" for me is a playful one - I can see it, just am a little impatiend and fearful still to "get there".

In the playful world I am not fearful, scared or worrying. Things play out just like they do (by a higher power).

E.g. I am discovering that I got a boost of energy for some days by exchanging voice messages with a friend who hast similar struggles.

By not takling on the phone but instead sending voice messages of 10-20min. length - we discovered it acts as a energy source for both of us. As there is something happening inside of us when we speak out our "truth" - understanding a theoretical concept is one thing (5% of the way as I like to say) - cultivating the belief in the concept is a hard step - but it seems as talking about it, speaking it out loud seems to do the trick.

Having different day to day struggles the voice messages give oneself an opportunity to relate it to the themes each of us is turning into a belief at the moment .. caught myself talking about things as if they were true already (when I was acutally having difficulty implementing them).

These sources of energy in this "new world" can not be planned as it seems, they appear out of the blue ... which then also makes it hard for my old self (rational, planning ahead) - as I don't know how long the energy source will last, when and where the next one is coming from.

Still inside is the urge to do something valuable, "successful" meaningful and being impatient to not yet having discovered the "next thing" or having the motivation.

This however seems to be part of the shift of changing ones reality. But making the shift from the survival game lifestyle into the playful lifestly is worth it.

Though it requires a lot of trust, belief right now which is challenging. What helps extremely is to experience it e.g. the new energy source that appeared out of the blue. More of these events foster the belief and transfrom belief into wisdom which then doesn't require "motivation" anymore.

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

Better mood -> but why?

Today i realized for the last days i am in a better mood, having a bit more energy.

But why? This is the tricky part, as "good" days seem to occur out of nowhere.

The facts that definetly have a positive impact:
- Cold shower in the morning
- Tackling "difficult" tasks (one or two a day)
- Leaving the phone switched off

Even though a super depressed Friday happened, then more energy / optimism on the weekend.

It remains a wild ride.

On the way also discovered that a friend suffered from the same "depression" sympthoms for years, also tried a lot but nothing seems to work.

Seems like everyone is on his own path of discovery.

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

@marinameirelle9 Yes enjoying it very much

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

No phone -> boredom -> more energy?

The last days were intense, I sticked to the no phone policy, leaving it switched off and only answering whatsapp msgs on the laptop.

Result was feeling more boredom. More reoccuring thought loops, BUT also:

Some energy sparks out of nowhere... last night watching a movie with the girlfriend and after the movie out of nowhere felt like going out and have a drink with her at a bar (what we never did).

There having a really nice evening and deep talk. Felt conntected. Felt the motivation to connect more with other friends again.

Today sticking to good habits, doing cold shower for 10th day in a row, went on a 20min. jogg again after a 3 weeks break.

Still not "having a solution" in regard to what project to take on next or accepting a job offer or not ... but the day (in comparison to the last weeks) is going better, no senseless phone scrolling.

Also not so much boredom as motivation for little tasks like vaccum cleaning arose, reading a bit with a coffee.

The default thoughts kick in as "I want progress faster" but as I learned its all relative and 1% better everyday accumulates to a lot. I therefore don't go along the initial thought and keep adding to my whiteboard success list of tasks completed during the day.

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

One step at a time

The last days are tough but also seeing a momentum going e.g. cold shower in the mornings for 9 days already, tackling two difficult tasks right after words.

Also general life decisions to move into the right direction e.g. derisking the investments.

Also getting at the screen time again, developed a real coping addiction and app-timer etc. didnt't work for me. What is working is not taking the phone with me or hidden in the apartment by the girlfriend for some time.

Yesterday long walk without phone, was good.
Today using the same strategy, finished laptop work, afternoon will go outside, leaving the phone at home.

Anxiety still high, especially regarding the question of which job/project to take on next, but making steps into the right direction of staying able to take action instead of freeze mode.

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

Tackling handy addiction

Cold shower in the morning works and enables me to tackle 2 tasks afterwards (mainly laptop tasks).

As the phone time was >10h the last days (coping strategy on the high anxiety days) today this time will be reduced by putting the phone away during the day.

Have tried this several times in the past, lets see how it will be this time and if positive effects can lead to more priority in reducing the phone time.

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

Managing anxiety

Yesterday and today was a lot of anxiety as the main emotion. Beneath it was still some spark of motivation to push through it and do the required tasks at hand.

As day started with cold shower and a long walk, afterwards demotivation and tiredness kicked in and social media bitcoin checking as coping mechanism was done.

Then I could feel the inner conflict of: The two tasks at hand seem to "hard" , don't want to do them, keep scrolling... but i knew I would feel bad afterwards.

I therefore just did the tasks at hand despite the anxiety. Turns out it worked fine and despite anxiety increasing and staying high i could finish the tasks which now makes me feel better.

I guess even though its scary to push through anxiety its my way to go to prove to myself that im not my anxiety and can do stuff even while feeling anxious.

Will finish the day with another walk and proud I did the two tasks (which now gives me hope and motivation to continue the next day tomorrow with two new difficult tasks).

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

Inner conflict in the woods

Yesterday long hike in the woods, some nice moments but ongoing inner thought dialogue that causes stress anxiety anger sadness.

One side of me want to be "successful" materialistically meaning working on something that feels purposeful and earns good money.. other side is anxious and resentful about doing any of the possibilities coming to mind.

This inner conflict causes the bad emotions and thought loops - because it seems i can't find a solution.

Therefore feeling stuck.

How to get unstuck?

Option 1: Get rid of the "i wanna be successful" thought. But how? I do want it.

Option 2: Doing something despite anxiety. Seems too hard.

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

Can you "force" urself into a better life?

As I was still impressed by the David Goggins audiobook it was particularly one action of his: When being rock bottom mentally, physically (overweight, depressed) he just "decided" to change his life.

Instead of the chocolate milkshake coping mechanism he got up at 4am and started running, worked out a lot etc.

What definitely helped was him having a goal: Getting into the Navy Seals assessment center, where he had to loose a lot of weight in 3 months.

My experiment is that implementing the cold shower again in the morning definitely helps, gives me energy to build up momentum and do little tasks and also I was scheduling at least one "hard task" (hard but i would know its beneficial for me).

Today that can be something like a phone call (which causes anxiety and is avoided) - did this today and 2 more will follow today.

I am still not feeling WAY better than normal, but i can tell i am feeling slightly more positive, confident (by seeing that I am accomplishing a LITTLE bit more than before).

What would make it easier for me I guess is to also have a clear goal e.g. Goggins lossing 60 pounds in 3 months.

My "vague goal" would be to have a task/job/project again that I am working on - but its not as clear of a goal 100% in my control like lossing weight.

Seeing that I do steps into the direction is good (one call today is about a possible job opportunity) - is a good feeling but also involves anxiety as to I don't want to put myself into a selfmade prison.

Maybe I can come up with a "SMART" goal also that would fulfill my requirements what would help me in times of doubting along the way.

As for today I am keeping up the little spark of momentum/energy and cultivating it more by doin "hard" things throughout the day.

Now the "better mood" (still a lot of anxiety and tiredness) is going on for several days which is already a success.

Lets see what I can do today to finish the week strong.

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

Wednesday quite the opposite

In a mood like these days hardly anything catches my interest despite high dopamin short video distractionsn(which is not enjoyable) but turns out i got very hooked on the can't hurt me audiobook by goggins.

Seeing the cruelty of his upbringing makes the one life seem easier. Walked 20k steps and inspired by his audiobook started the day with a cold shower.

Afterwards a long procrastinated task of putting an item online for sale. Doing these two "hard" but beneficial task lead to a good mood, a further walk outside and a whole new vibe for the rest of the afternoon.

Felt the urge of socially connect which comes rarely in these low energy days.

All in all anxiety was gone for the rest of Yesterday and i was feeling good and stronger than normal.

As i had these sparks of improvement often in the past only to vanish after a day or too. I am therefore wondering how i can cultivate this good energy and not let the little fire of energy go out again.

Best guess for me is to keep doing what helped: starting with a cold shower and picking a "hard" task for the day.

Also walking outside listening to goggins. Lets tackle the day and keep the flame burning.

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

Tuesday - what's in it today

As yesterday was a very low point (desperate, no hope of ever improving) today , without any specific external reason feels slightly better.

Managed to do a small (for me hard to do) laptop todo, little house cleaning task and something as little as making the bed.

Biggest fear still around checking the networth 100 times a day, and the inner conflict of "i want to be succesful vs. my energy is so low and anxiety high i am not motivated to do anything".

However I am now motivated to take the daily 10k steps walk as the weather outside is nice and will listen to the audiobook of David Goggins "Can't hurt me" as it was recommended by someone on reddit overcoming his depression.

Tonight making burger for the girlfriend. One could say its not a lot, far away from "ou nice, beautiful day, can't wait to work on my project I like and feel successful" - but when u are rock bottom i guess i take the small wins as success.

Also wondering if I don't need too much destructive coping activities (unhealty food, phone) today as I have the energy to do some activites e.g. walking, audiobook, cooking.

So happy when this period is over and I will wake up without anxiety , with energy, working on a cool project i like.

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

Monday starts hard

As Yesterday was okay and had some motivation for little todos today, mood at a low point today again.

As fixated on networth, seeing it go down increases anxiety, sucks out the little Motivation and hope to do some tasks planned for today.

Forced myself into taking a walk outside... 10k steps in but mood didnt change, feeling of anger, anxiety , hopelessness.

Toughest challenge of my life, going on for a long time with minor easier eposisodes.

On these days running out of ideas of what to try, and also of hope why something after so many tries should suddenly work.

Wandering around aimlessly in nature, checking networth every 10min, and repeating the same thoughts.

Feels like a waste of time/life but also no other option seems doable as anxiety, low energy and negative thoughts are in the way.

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

Small steps

Today started the Sunday with a nice 10k steps walk in the park with the lady.

Had some good deep conversations, I realized that they only happen organically during a long walk outside, in the mountains - but not in the normal "night at home" on the couch with distractions.

My big obstacle for progress at the moment is negative attitude and self talk (why isnt it getting better, i have to find something to do, why am i not motivated, im running out of time etc.)

This constant self sabotage causes high cortisol, fostering thought loops and creating demand for coping bahaviour e.g. doomscrolling, sweets, checking the networth.

If I can reduce the negative self talk (pressure) and be kinder to myself, doing somethin actively (even if its small, but cultivating every spark of motivation e.g. creating this x post, opening a bank account to get a premium , and i booked a hiking weekend for next weekend) - it will prevent the cortisol level to spike too much which then results in downward spirals.

So at the moment im happy for already doing the walk, grateful to be able to just book a nice hiking wellness hotel for next weekend and also grateful for some motivation spark to create this post, earn a premium for opening a bank account and reading a blog article.

I guess patience is key and staying positive, correcting negative self talk to not build up to much self induced cortisol.

9 ppl viewed the first post, no idea if anyone reads this but i guess for myself its already useful to write about it, get it out of the head and cultivating the habit of again creating something.

Let's see what else I can do today to be useful for the current situation.

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

Going on like this for quite some time... forcing myself to do "good" things e..g. walk in the park .. but in general very anxious about not seeing a possible future dedication etc.

This post is just to document and start "doing" something

[Living life 🇮🇪 @markusspir]

Hard day again

For quite some time I'm struggling a lot with lack of motivation for anything.

Quit the corporate job, started online business - all successful from the outside, on the inside I was very unhappy towards the end.

Now wasting the days with phone, checking networt