Anne Fisher 🌻

Wife, Mum, Nana, retired - So lucky😀 - Coeliac, not so lucky 😟. RTs don’t signify agreement.

[BBC Midlands @bbcmtd]

A mural has appeared in Quinton, Birmingham of England stars Jude Bellingham and Morgan Rogers. Artist Dion Kitson has depicted the footballers eating orange chips, a Black Country classic. #england #halesowen #stourbridge

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

A duck walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, “Hang on… you’re a duck.”

“I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck.

“And you can talk!” exclaims the barman.

“I see your ears are working too,” says the duck. “Now, if you don’t mind, can I have my beer and sandwich?”

“Certainly. Sorry about that,” says the barman as he pours the pint. “It’s just that we don’t get many ducks in here. What are you doing around this way?”

“I’m working on the building site across the road,” explains the duck. “I’m a plasterer.”

The barman is amazed, but the duck pulls a newspaper out of his bag and starts reading, making it clear the conversation is over.

He drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, says goodbye, and leaves.

The same thing happens every day for the next two weeks.

Then one day, the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster stops into the bar for a drink, and the barman says,

“You’re with the circus, aren’t you? I know a duck who’d be perfect for your show. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper… the lot!”

“Sounds marvelous,” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. “Tell him to give me a call.”

So the next day, when the duck comes into the pub, the barman says, “Hey, Mr. Duck, I think I can line you up with a great job. Good money, too.”

“I’m always interested in the next job,” says the duck. “Where is it?”

“At the circus,” replies the barman.

“The circus?” asks the duck.

“That’s right.”

“The circus… with the big tent?”

“Yep.”

“With all the animals in cages and the performers living in caravans?”

“Exactly.”

“And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?”

“That’s the one,” says the barman.

The duck looks at him in complete confusion and says…

“What the hell would they need a plasterer for?”

[Andrew Fox @Mr_Andrew_Fox]

Check out the family inscription at the bottom. Legendary.

[Paul Rees. ex Rucksack. @HannahIamthest1]

Stolen from another page.

AWKWARD BRITISH PROBLEMS:
🇬🇧Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing
🇬🇧Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again
🇬🇧The relief when someone doesn’t answer their phone within three rings and you can hang up
🇬🇧Filming an entire fireworks display on your phone, knowing full well you’ll never, ever watch it again
🇬🇧 Mishearing somebody’s name on the second time of asking, meaning you must now avoid them forever
🇬🇧 Leaving it too late to correct someone, meaning you must live with your new name forever
🇬🇧 Running out of ways to say thanks when a succession of doors are held for you, having already deployed ‘cheers’, ‘ta’ and ‘nice one’
🇬🇧 Changing from ‘kind regards’ to just ‘regards’, to indicate that you’re rapidly reaching the end of your tether
🇬🇧 Realising you’ve got about fifty grand’s worth of plastic bags under your kitchen sink
🇬🇧"You’ll have to excuse the mess” – Translation: I’ve spent seven hours tidying in preparation for your visit
🇬🇧 Indicating that you want the last roast potato by trying to force everyone else to take it
🇬🇧 "I’m off to bed” – Translation: “I’m off to stare at my phone in another part of the house”
🇬🇧 The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about
🇬🇧 Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake
🇬🇧 Suddenly remembering your tea and necking it like a massive, lukewarm shot
🇬🇧 Waiting for permission to leave after paying for something with the exact change
🇬🇧 Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again
🇬🇧 Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested
🇬🇧 Being unable to pay for something with the exact change without saying “I think that’s right”
🇬🇧 Overtaking someone on foot and having to keep up the uncomfortably fast pace until safely over the horizon
🇬🇧 Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first taking out your phone and frowning at it
🇬🇧 Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave
🇬🇧 Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible
🇬🇧 Loudly tapping your fingers at the cashpoint, to assure the queue that you’ve asked for money and the wait is out of your hands
🇬🇧 Looking away so violently as someone nearby enters their PIN that you accidentally dislocate your neck
🇬🇧 Being sure to start touching your bag 15 minutes before your station, so the person in the aisle seat is fully prepared for your exit
🇬🇧 Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train before it’s illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters you have the situation in hand
🇬🇧 Having someone sit next to you on the train, meaning you’ll have to eat your crisps at home
🇬🇧 The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train ticket is accepted by the inspector
🇬🇧 The horror of someone you only half know saying: “Oh I’m getting that train too”
🇬🇧 “Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it
🇬🇧 Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of cocaine and a dead goat as you stroll through “Nothing to declare”
🇬🇧 Being unable to stand and leave without first saying “right”
🇬🇧 Not hearing someone for the third time, so just laughing and hoping for the best
🇬🇧 Saying “anywhere here’s fine” when the taxi’s directly outside your front door.
🤣🤣

[LeoDaVinciWave @LeoDaVinciWave]

The richly decorated ceiling of the Znamenskaya Church in Dubrovitsy, Russia, built between 1690 and 1699 CE.

[Mark Stone @Stone_SkyNews]

Danish PM Mette Freideriksen’s note in the visitors book when she visited UK today…

[The Dalbo Dog @Dalbodog]

My guide dog in training visited a local school recently, which turned out to be school picture day. Today they sent me this...

[Londonist @Londonist]

So much of London is named after trees (and other plants) https://t.co/UTx5QWatWW

[Anne Fisher 🌻 @martinafish]

😮

[LeoDaVinciWave @LeoDaVinciWave]

Admont Abbey Library in Admont, Austria 🇦🇹.

[Paul Lewis @paullewismoney]

Amazing insight into underground London!

[Anne Fisher 🌻 @martinafish]

https://t.co/hwLFb4YDRs

[David KC @DavidMuttering]

This is splendid.

[Joseph Fasano @Joseph_Fasano_]

After he won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1957, Albert Camus wrote a letter of thanks to his favorite childhood teacher, whom he'd never forgotten. It's beautiful.

[Dr Helen Ingram @drhingram]

Can we take a moment to admire the Estonian National Opera car park barriers

[Anne Fisher 🌻 @martinafish]

What a photo 👏👏

[Adam Collins @collinsadam]

The ball that completes one of the finest Test Matches of the 21st century so far.

India by 6 runs. Staggering. Mohammed Siraj inspirational. #ENGvIND

[Anne Fisher 🌻 @martinafish]

😆

[Kuame Oliver @_KuameOliver]

Sorry, we go again next year.

[The Figen @TheFigen_]

Sometimes we can have irrational jealousies.

[Frank Cottrell-Boyce @frankcottrell_b]

The Impossible Orchestra

[JonnyValleyBoy @JonnyValleyBoy]

Every year I share this,

For those of you that haven't seen it before it was drawn by my Dad,

Who was there,

Not digging for coal,

But digging for children,

This is his abiding memory of that day,

He will never forget,

And nether should we...

#Aberfan

#CofiwchAberfan