marya hornbacher

marya hornbacher quotes~ (run by @thewildy0uth)

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

It is not a sudden leap from sick to well. It is a slow, strange meander from sick to mostly well.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

You will die young, and you have no way to make sense of that fact. You have this: You are thin. Whoop-de-fucking-dee.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

I always felt there was an expectation that I would do one of two things: be Great at something, or go crazy and become a total failure.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

He leaned down and whispered to me: No matter how thin you get, no matter how short you cut your hair, it’s still going to be you underneath

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

There is, in fact, an incredible freedom in having nothing left to lose.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

It does not hit you until later. The fact that you were essentially dead does not register until you begin to come alive.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

I know for a fact that sickness is easier. But health is more interesting.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

I was tired of people, and I was incredibly tired of myself.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

We see our history as a wreckage of one failure after another, one mistake after the next, a chronicle of a ruined person and a ruined life.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

either lash out at the world and label yourself as hysterical, shrill, unstable, and otherwise flawed, or lash out at yourself.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

Does she care that she's dying? Hell, no.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

I pulled my thighs apart, pinched hard at the excess, tried to smother the terror that rose in my chest when I thought: I'm fat.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

And I wanted to feel used. Or at least feel useful.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

I wanted them to bruise. I wanted to know I was there.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

Bulimia disgusted me, and I was disgusted enough with myself as it was.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

It's astonishing how many eggs you can put in one basket, how much symbolic and emotional interest you can vest in one little disease.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

Anorexia was my Big Idea, my bid for independence, identity, freedom, savior, etc. etc.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

Finally I have grasped that I cannot feed my mind and starve my body to death. Finally, from somewhere, comes this visceral urge to survive.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

I am secretly obsessed with the idea that they secretly hate me and are only tolerating me because they have to.

[marya hornbacher @maryaquotes]

"What about you try to come out of your room?" My eyes widen.