Mary

[Mary @marybathh]

@stimmychevrolet Thankk youuuuuu

[Mary @marybathh]

AITA: When your friend doesn’t answer the phone bc she’s giving birth, but you literally just wanted to say hi ?

[Mary @marybathh]

@stimmychevrolet I’ve been there.

[Kylie Brakeman @deadeyebrakeman]

⚠️ It’s time to PeeReal⚠️ (you have two minutes to piss yourself)

[Tig Notaro @TigNotaro]

If you make fun of my messy car, don't come crying to me when you need 350 hot empty water bottles.

[Mary @marybathh]

Someone explain to me why I’m always dreaming I’m at Evansville’s Tri-State gym

[Lizzie McGuire @ImLizzieM]

Me after having one sip of alcohol oversharing to the random stranger I met 5 minutes ago

[brecht apologist @madison_tayt]

holy shit, i can fix this if i vote? awesome! when’s the next supreme court election??

[Daniel Bunn @DanielBunnJr]

9-yr-old son: It’s called WHERE THE RED FERN GROWS. It’s about this boy and his two red dogs. It’s a fun story! I have two chapters left. Don’t tell me how it ends!

[Michael Ian Black @michaelianblack]

Wait, are *we* the shithole country?

[michaela okland @MichaelaOkla]

I Can’t believe Elon bought Twitter just to stop rumors about Grimes and Noah Centineo at the La Jolla Olive Garden

[Mary @marybathh]

So sick of seeing people on TiKTok cracking eggs with one hand. What are you—a doctor??

[Madeline Marsanne @MadelineOnMars]

A Texas woman was put on an emergency flight to Colorado *in the middle of a miscarriage* to save her life, and NPR just gets quotes from both sides of the ‘saving women in mortal peril’ debate & calls it a day. Things might get awkward if you ask John Seago follow-up questions!

[Mary @marybathh]

@k8woosley Lamooooooo just kidding

[Mary @marybathh]

@k8woosley Alex, I’ll take things that didn’t happen for 400

[Mary @marybathh]

I did this to Nicole Richie 😞

[Mary @marybathh]

Very surface level thought, but Volodymyr is such a cooler spelling than Vladimir

[Mary @marybathh]

@k8woosley I’m not going to watch The Inbetween with Joey King 😌

[Mary @marybathh]

What part of the horse does horseradish come from