Mary Egan

burnt out, bugged-eyed, bimbo.
Screenwriter
IG: __maryegan__

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

Man on a dating app asked me what I bring to the table so I told him a vestigial twin

[José @josecanyousee]

those who didn’t vote for Kamala Harris helped make this happen

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

Arctic Monkeys being my number one artist like 😪

[lex. HEARD MILK! @ifibe1ievey0u]

These are the vibes I’m bringing to 2026

[2000s @PopCulture2000s]

lindsay lohan taking a photo of the paparazzi with a disposable camera, 2004.

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

Hear me out: Charlie XCX covers “The Man with the Bag”

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

K hole demon hunter

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

Happy birthday to Frank Sinatra you woulda loved this emoji 🤌🏼

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

The glamour of my la to nyc flight is dulled by the fact that it’s frontier airlines ☹️

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

I ❤️ my dermatologist

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

Mercury retrograde real af bc why have I been on a reunion tour with all my old coworkers all week

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

Happy Mercury Retrograde from my babysitting dad from 2019 who just liked my Instagram post from last year

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

I want a phone case that makes my phone look like a frozen hash brown from Trader Joe’s

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

I just wanna point out that 2.5 years ago I came up with an entire pilot outline for “Entourage but girls” and everyone I told about it was like “unoriginal” and now Rachel Sennott out here cashing in

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

Miley Cyrus should play Bonnie Blue on SNL

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

Watching Philadelphia and Babygirl back to back so I can watch Antonio Bandaras get cheated on twice

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

Zootopia is such a horny movie

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

All the bitches from Sex in the City would vote for Cuomo, just saying

[Zohran Kwame Mamdani @ZohranKMamdani]

Thank you, New York City.

Now let’s win.

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

You should be able to swap jobs with your friends for the day

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

Watching Brokeback Mountain TWICE on a 9 hour flight from Italy while sat between two frat bros was peak lemme tell ya

[Mary Egan @maryegan_]

My cousins r the most millennial asses on Facebook jeeeez