Mary

coffee. work. be awkward. repeat.

[Mary @marygoonis]

I wish I was the accident Wes Anderson made in high school.

[Mary @marygoonis]

Watching the season finale of a #MillionLittleThings like:

[Mary @marygoonis]

Ya know, maybe it was a subtle message and sign of support to Kaepernick…maybe it was a tribute to Pac, since in a better world he would have been in that preformance...or perhaps, Eminem is old now and he needed to take a quick rest. #HalfTimeShow

[Mary @marygoonis]

@eliminat0r85

[Mary @marygoonis]

@eliminat0r85 You could always just hop in a tanning bed, close your eyes and pretend. It’s much more cost/time efficient

[Mary @marygoonis]

@billburr thank you for that 10PM show in the d tonight. I’m going to need Botox on my laugh lines. Now I’m just drunk at the casino.

[Mary @marygoonis]

@GianmarcoSoresi Everyone thinks my son and his dads girlfriend are brother and sister when she takes him out 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Mary @marygoonis]

@Kenny_G12 I’m making a shirt to wear that says, “I’m only here because I like to eat. Not because I have an only fans

[Mary @marygoonis]

@thatweirdLadyy @Leroniz_xo Yes. Date to marry or date for a broken heart.

[Nihilist Arby's @nihilist_arbys]

RT if you also just shit your pants.

Eat Arby’s

[Mary @marygoonis]

All of these people who think commercial cooking is unskilled labor and they don’t deserve higher pay have never held down a line during a $2,000 hour and then had to clean up afterwards.

[Mary @marygoonis]

@neurachos I’ve still been wearing mine inside, I guess I’m not ready to show my face again 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Mary @marygoonis]

Possible to get a roll of #IGotVaccinated stickers to wear on every outfit so that if I decide to go w/out my mask indoors people still know I think Covid is real and I’m not a radical right? #AskingForAFriend

[Mary @marygoonis]

Clearly slanging to make their car payment. #tesla #gasshortage #GasShortage2021

[Mary @marygoonis]

Hey corporate restaurant chains, you’ve exhausted your middle management past the point that’s acceptable. #restaurant

[Laila Mickelwait @LailaMickelwait]

Today a Pornhub/MindGeek manager whistleblower letter was read on the record in Canadian Parliament. He said he was forbidden to report child rape he was aware of. He also said MindGeek is involved in a vast network of sex trafficking that extends beyond Pornhub. #Traffickinghub

[Mary @marygoonis]

How do I say this?

[Mary @marygoonis]

Go ahead and keep trashing millennial women gen z; while your busy lip syncing on TikTok, I’ll be out on a date with your dad.

[Mary @marygoonis]

Still waiting for @modestmouseband To do a remake of float on that has a applicable verse to the pandemic

[Mary @marygoonis]

Go ahead. Talk to yourself in your car with the radio off like your phone isn’t listening.