masha!

she/her
feed me runes

[masha! @masharooms]

@skewedit Please simplify this. I don’t care if it’s the most reduced form of the expression just fucjjng fiix it I I don’t LIKE IT

[masha! @masharooms]

@wrappedaroundme Please remove these glasses of wine out of me. Please. The human body can only hold so much glass.

[masha! @masharooms]

In the ER with strange mystery illness. House MD come to me and break all my bones with your sexy cane

[masha! @masharooms]

@_tonijc they get a really really big bottle and put the ship inside of it and then they call the bottle mean names so that over time the bottle shrinks along with its ego

[masha! @masharooms]

for the red button blue button question, for all the blue buttoners(I am on your side), at what percentage of people necessary to press the blue button would you flip to the red button? Would you press it if 60% of people had to click the blue button? Whats your threshold?

[masha! @masharooms]

ever been so high you put your glasses on to check if you took your glasses off

[Gillian Branstetter @GBBranstetter]

You want Western Massachusetts

[masha! @masharooms]

@Instantrobin Well duh, you first have to understand proto-proto-info-European and of course before that pre-Pangea Bulgarian the mother of all languages.

[masha! @masharooms]

@evilgeckowo @TheDarkDuchesss Womp womp gotta play paradox games now

[masha! @masharooms]

@wrappedaroundme That’s why I always ask a man outside smoking a cigarette to hold me for every movie experience. That way you feel secure AND make a friend.

[masha! @masharooms]

Is the amount of ads I’m getting specifically for fish trimmings followed by a justification for why fish trimmings are also a valid and edible product a recession indicator?

[masha! @masharooms]

@wrappedaroundme Draw egg people. Much like Humpty of Dumpty lineage is rumored to be. Egg people inspire artists globally.

[HowlingMutant @Howlingmutant0]

Girls dont want a "nice guy" they want somebody who will show up at their house wearing some kind of evil guantlet

[masha! @masharooms]

Halloween? No. Not me. I’m completely full of ween thank you very much

[masha! @masharooms]

Gotta tell my mom there’s a love competition and these two men are besting her

[masha! @masharooms]

Apparently the Dunkin guys across the street from my job are obsessed with me. Every time I come in they make my order before I even tell them. They ask all my coworkers how I’ve been and demand to know when I’m coming in if I’ve been out.

[masha! @masharooms]

To try to stand out in the kink community I’ve decided to have a fetish for a new nonexistent limb, perhaps helpful for cartwheeling and traveling sideways. Feet are old news, it’s time to embrace the future.

[masha! @masharooms]

Maybe im gonna be his dog sidekick

[masha! @masharooms]

Uber driver keeps snickering to himself and rubbing his hands together in a scheming fashion. I think im being kidnapped by dick dastardly