Master Dater

I am the Master Dater, here for all your special dating needs!

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

And I'm still awaiting the stars to align to attend myself! https://t.co/SmIn1pUuTj

[Steven Burke @burkecomedy]

@JoCoCruise @MasterD8r told me about it!

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

I've always been fascinated with some religion's devotion to eating their savior-- the transubstantiation, eating lamb (of God) on religious holidays. He's the Savior not a meal! #HappyEaster #SaviornotSavory

[Pitch @pitchjokes]

Pitch writers on what their cell phone addiction has helped them with.

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

Because you've always wondered.... https://t.co/CDnu5AF2yQ

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

On a first date, nervous you'll say the wrong thing? Use a Magic 8-ball to answer questions. If you're daring, use Ouija! #datingadvice

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

Sometimes love is hard. Sometimes it's flaccid. #ebbsandflows #dating

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

Cover your date in melted chocolate today! Not too hot, though, you don't want to melt the plastic. #datingadvice

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

No date for Valentine's day? Take your inflatable friend out. Someplace nice, ur not cheap, afterall. You'll get lots of attn! #Datingadvice

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

Remember, as we approach this Valentine's Day; Love can be fleeting, but restraining orders are forever. #datingadvice

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

Two more days until there's a massive sale on chocolate!

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

Make it a habit of bringing a notebook to every date, document everything. Or hire a court reporter. You'll be glad you did #datingadvice

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

Date for VD? Cancel at the last moment, due to illness. Reschedule for the 15th or 16th, EVERYTHING is cheaper! #datingadvice

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

Do NOT have your first date at a Superbowl party tonight. You don't need to know that they're a Patriots fan this soon. #datingadvice

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

Set alarm on your date's phone to time you have to normlly get up for work. If they complain or not the next day is the sign.. #datingadvice

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

Dating is like farting; some are great, some are nasty, and sometimes you're just one mistake away from a shitstorm. #lifelessons

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Push past your date's objections and never stop imitating them! #datingadvice

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

Introduce your date to your favorite movie, but don't tell them. When they don't like it as much as you, NEVER let them forget #datingadvice

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

Protip; Taking speed prior to a speed dating event is not recommended. However, it will certainly make you stand out though! #datingadvice

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

They say the eyes are the window to the soul. But they never talk about your colon, the sump pump of your soul. That's a shitty deal, man.

[Master Dater @MasterD8r]

You should treat first dates like job interviews, because dating IS a full time job. Don't forget to talk about the benefits! #datingadvice