Matthew Simpson

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

God forbid!

[unusual_whales @unusual_whales]

The US may no longer be able to fight more than one major war at a time, per BI.

[Leonardo DiCaprio @LeoDiCaprio]

#KillersOfTheFlowerMoon will exclusively be in theatres from @ParamountMovies & @AppleFilms this October. It's a project I am proud of & I cannot wait to share it with you all. @lily_gladstone @johnlithgow

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

My neighbor just told me he is having the Catholic Church perform an exorcism at his home and I said “well, nice day for it!” because I didn’t know how else to handle the information

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

I’ve watched this 6 times in 41 minutes

[T @tylerthecreator]

SORRY NOT SORRY

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

Harleysville ring updates

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

As a kid I assumed 1 in 4 people were paleontologists

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

This @WSJ article is unhinged

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

Still texting mom

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

Texting mom

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

My nephew thought our dog’s name was “no-no” because we’d say “no” every time he tried to grab her face

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

The only thing keeping the Eagles from winning a Super Bowl may be Andy Reid all over again!

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

My girlfriend thought SZA would perform at our work holiday party and turns out it was the Mummers

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

That time again!

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

Every 4 years I re-learn the US map

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

Joey impersonating my mom putting on makeup

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

My girlfriend is reading my favorite book and she loves it 🥹

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

New Lord of the Flies covers just dropped

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

@sjgarver Let me know how this turns out!

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

They seem okay now

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

“I think she’s depressed”

- my dad talking about my brother’s cat

[Matthew Simpson @matt_simpson512]

PSA wakeboarding and waterboarding are very different things despite sounding very similar

[Lowah @vinny_two_shoes]

What did dew say to her?