Words by Matt!

These are words by Matt

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

Don't step off the curb if you ain't willing to get muddy.

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

@ajnovero Bruce said what about Joe Frazier?!

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

There are two things you don't skimp on: toilet paper and charcoal!😎

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

there were all kinds of custom folks in that drunk tank in NOLA. #ziptied

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

hold on a sec, I've got a bigger problem, i don't even own a sport coat. 🕺

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

That dog won't fly! #whenpigsfly ?! 🤪🐶🐷

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

you din't have to call me a dip$chit, being ugly is a choice! 😩

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

y'all are uppity and snobby junkfood eaters! #taquitos vs #donuts

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

note to self : wear better shoes when dunking on 8 ft. rims!
#turftoe

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

twerking penguins, i don't care for them too much! 🤪🐧

#twerk #penguins

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

she wanted me to watch that dog this weekend , I ain't watching that demon seed! #baddog

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

Whenever i type the word my i end up typing me, i then sound like a pirate!

example sentence : i am having trouble getting into me Excel spreadsheets!
🏴‍☠️🦜🏴‍☠️
#pirate

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

I only learn something if i have to...

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

The fellas at work are calling me Cat Stephenson!
Meow!!

#catstevens

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

I can type the word commodities faster than anyone in the world!

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

Have you ever tried to batter an onion ?! #onionrings

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

I know that's the answer but it doesn't make any sense! #craps #yo

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

Co-worker - What do you live off of Matt?
Matt - Dr. Pepper and Skoal #drpepper

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

“I don’t like to get probed.” #proctologist 😵

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

“Man I’m a grown man… I can do whatever I want.” #grownman

[Words by Matt! @matt_words]

“If my dogs can somehow sneak into my house, they’ll come towards me, stare at me for a min, give me the finger and then just take a dump.” 🐕🖕💩