Matt Dunn

Fail early, fail often, fail forward

[Matt Van Swol @mattvanswol]

Cute theory, let's play it out.

A monkey hoards a trillion bananas. The troop, enraged, beats him to death. They gather around the pile to feast at last.

But... oh wait, there is no pile.

It turns out the "bananas" were shares in a banana-launching company the dead monkey founded.

The shares were worth a trillion because he was alive to run it.

Now he is dead and the stock is worth $0.

The retarded monkeys have clubbed their way into a recession.

But it gets worse.

Half the "bananas" were tied up in a rocket that supplies bananas to monkeys on the far mountain who had no bananas at all.

Another chunk was tied up in a little satellite dish that beamed banana coordinates to the troop after a flood took out their trees.

So now they realized they beat to death the only monkey who knew how the dish worked.

So the monkeys sit there.

No bananas.
No rockets.
No coordinates to get more banananas.

Just a dead body and a powerful sense of fairness as they all now became infinitely poorer.

OH

And somewhere a smaller monkey watches the whole thing and quietly decides he will never build anything in front of these animals again.

[Matt Dunn @mattdunn1]

@SaltyBlackBroad @JesseKellyDC Please don't judge us all by the standards of the misguided majority ... Having said that, you have canned cheese which is surely worse!

[Geoff Norcott @GeoffNorcott]

In fairness they did need six coppers, because what if they’d had an email thrown in their face?
Or someone tried to stab them with a WhatsApp.

[Andrew Tate @Cobratate]

Women are camels.

Two big lumps and hardly ever drink water.

[Rob Henderson @robkhenderson]

Japan has more ninja swords per capita than any country on earth but mysteriously there are no calls to ban them over there. A true head scratcher.

[Daniel O’Reilly @dapperlaughs]

The mental gymnastics James O’Brien done in order to blame the southport attack on Jeff Bezos & Elon Musk could get him a gold in the olympics.

Absolutely mental 🤯

[Matt Dunn @mattdunn1]

@AllisonPearson That's the polite description of the manager ...

[Leo Kearse - see me on tour! Links in bio @LeoKearse]

This student is on hunger strike for Palestine.
Doctors have given her 18 months to live.

[Matt Dunn @mattdunn1]

@elonmusk @kaatedunn

[Melissa Chen @MsMelChen]

It’s that time of the year when the spring breeze carries the lung-filling scent of cherry blossoms, occasionally triggering a sneeze.

Then you recall that pollen is essentially plant sperm, and that every floral-infused inhalation is basically you being involuntarily bukkaked by the surrounding vegetation.

Which technically makes your allergies STDs.

Hope you are enjoying spring, my Northern Hemisphere friends.

[Matt Dunn @mattdunn1]

@Cernovich Watching my 3yo try and copy press ups and hanging off my bar is fascinating, they can copy your movements almost instantly. Even copies the facial expressions!

[Burnside @BurnsideWasTosh]

I have been praying that Norfolk would slip beneath the waves my entire life. I hope your sponsored walk can finally make this cherished dream a reality. Good luck. x

[Allison Pearson @AllisonPearson]

This is utter b******s.
Your Red Wall constituents will be appalled once they discover the vast cost and practical consequences of your “friendly” net zero measures!

[Matt Dunn @mattdunn1]

@pwrussell @JuliaHB1 @FraserMyers @spikedonline Warming currently has a net positive decrease in global deaths, more people die because of the cold. Is it just the wrong people that are affected in your view? There is no realistic scenario where the rest of the world becomes inhabitable. Fear mongering nonsense.

[Matt Dunn @mattdunn1]

@elonmusk @TwitterSupport have you considered adding the ability to cast/airdrop twitter videos? Would be useful for long form videos/podcasts going forward

[Burnside @BurnsideWasTosh]

We had universal basic income for two years during covid. It turned the population into infantilised sofa dwelling lard buckets praying they wouldn't ever have to work again and caused inflation. Anyone suggesting again it should be sent to prison.

[Konstantin Kisin @KonstantinKisin]

A leader of a major political party in Britain, which was in power as recently as 2015, has today said some women "quite clearly" have a penis.

Absolute clownworld.