matth ills

funny man | RIT 2023 | ig: mhills_ | he/him

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

no babe, you don’t have multiple personalities. you just curate a lot of vibes

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

a bear who was just left by his food-gathering wife: there are plenty of fish in the sea

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

“send a pic” is childs play, send me a live photo of that thang thanging

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

when one door closes, another door opens (my house was constructed improperly)

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

got my wisdom teeth out, time to operate heavy machinery

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

stand out and be the problem

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

the ladies call me chunky blue cheese because i come with every pizza

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

i be getting drunk and emanating ominous noises

[smi @smino]

“Luv 4 Rent” out errwhere 🫶🏾 https://t.co/HlJBzXJdkk

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

capitalism may prevail but at least i look drippy as fuck

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

God put me on this earth to drink beer so if he wants me to have 3 then 27 it is

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

lady at the ring store said i was a 10 (ring size)

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

replaced her crystals with kidney stones

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

You may be 6’ 2” but I’m going’ 2” your mother’s house so you lose

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

going to start calling all of my weed smoking friends my little lawnmowers

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

i dont want anyone to think i’m stupid. i need them to KNOW that i am

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

i love that song SUGAR by BINGHAMTON or whoever they are

[matth ills @matthematic_s]

if her type is anyone who breathes then i must have athsma