Matt Makowski

Mountain-type human and master nacho creator. Also write some stuff and eat cheese in other forms.

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

Might be going out on a limb here, but I don’t Liz Truss’ forthcoming book is gonna be setting the literary world on fire.

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

In Colorado, I believe part of the test to get a motorcycle license is to prove your ability to mean mug everyone operating a non-motorcycle vehicle.

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

I like how when I put a cup under the ice machine it gives me two cubes. Then 10 seconds later it’s like, “Sheesh, fine!” And then it doles out 100 cubes. I can relate to its passive aggressiveness.

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

Watching snow melt drip on my dog’s head and loving his inability to figure out what’s going on. Does this count as a hobby?

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

the air in Colorado is really dry. I was thinking about this at a stop light. So I naturally licked my lips. And apparently this dawned on me just as I made eye contact with a 10-year-old kid crossing the street. He’s definitely telling his mom about me.

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

Sometimes when my phone refuses to scroll down to other posts on Reddit I like to think, “Nice, I finally finished the internet.”

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

@joncoopertweets I think Todd just stole his nachos while sitting in the Maxi Mart parking lot.

[CAPYBARA MAN @CAPYBARA_MAN]

The disrespect

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

So Texas wants more taxes for individuals? Gotcha. https://t.co/4N9H7Km7D9

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

Is Matt Gaetz just the “Veep” character Jonah Ryan in real life?

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

While I think a Nobel Prize would be a little much, I hope the inventor of oven-ready lasagna noodles is living comfortably.

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

Imagine being so “rich” you don’t even need to pay your bills? https://t.co/yAUuwVpFpV

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

This Godzilla vs. Kong marketing has finally gone too far. https://t.co/jaHAWfqELK

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

@shannonrwatts To be fair, she wasn’t universally hated.

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

Based on my phone log, the person most likely to check in on me during this pandemic has been someone called Spam Risk.

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

This dude focuses too much on the “con” in constitution.

[Rand Paul @RandPaul]

If needing to show an ID to vote is racist, perhaps NY Yankees tickets that average over $100 are discriminatory?  Will ‘woke’ @MLB mandate free tickets to to allow equal access?

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

“Ugh, another one?”
-young Stephen Miller every time he opened a pack of baseball cards and found a black player.

[Stephen Miller @StephenM]

A personal thread on the @MLB controversy: I’ve been a baseball fan my entire life. Almost every penny of allowance as a kid went to cards (all saved). Growing up in LA, my baseball hero was Eric Karros & my most my prized possession was a signed baseball from Tommy Lasorda (1/8)

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

@drdrew “Dr.” Drew. LOL!

[Matt Makowski @mattmakowski]

Manufacturing guy: And what material should we make them out of?
Bathtub inventor: Porcelain.
Manufacturing guy: But that would be slippery when wet. People could fall and hurt themselves.
Bathtub inventor: Dude, totally. LOL.