Matt Moschella

Its just life. You don't know how long it's gonna be but you know its got a bad ending.

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

@instagram @facebook My instagram account disappeared without a trace. Can someone help me bring it back please?

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

Why are girls always on the phone? They must be talking with each other cause boys sure as hell dont want to talk on the phone amirite?

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

@VenmoSupport Your customer service is God awful. They keep letting me down. If you don't help, I'll pay Twitter money to promote this tweet

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

@AndrewMWallace Only an accessible amount.

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

Me: "Why does my mouth hurt all the time?"
Also Me: *Unhinges jaw to eat large sandwiches at least three times a week*

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

If you put cute dogs in your commercials I'm 237% more likely to buy your useless products!

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

@DancngWTheChars

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

@Jilleighh @chhristinaa Have a smiley day

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

White bread father gets impressed by me singing the word "despacito."

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

Current motivation: *sends 2 emails by 9am*
Me to Myself: "That's enough work for today."

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

@DMGargano picture me crying while running on a treadmill. Miss you too!

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

Most people listen to pump up music at the gym. I watch dramatic movie trailers for some reason.

[Stats Canada @stats_canada]

Donald Trump's hands are able to hold 74.2% fewer candy canes than the average person

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

@Jilleighh did you guys re-enact the music video?

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

Fitness Trainer: "and no eating right before bed."
Me: "sir but that's my favorite pastime."

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

Today at the supermarket I struggled to tell the difference between a zucchini and a cucumber and I've never FELT more uneducated.

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

Have you ever relocated your garbage pail but struggled to adjust where you throw your garbage cause I keep throwing things on the floor...

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

@TheRawrlotte Achieve soil #horseebooks

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

Watching Shameless is healthy cause it makes you feel better about your own fuck-ups in life. #thankstelevision

[Matt Moschella @mattmoschella]

Just reunited a lost child with his parents at the airport instead of ignoring the situation like I usually do. DID YOU SEE THAT KARMA?