Matt O'Laughlin

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

Your stomach rumbling is just an inside fart.

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

I wasn’t going to read the terms and conditions, but since you made me scroll to the bottom to click accept, I guess I will read everything.

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

Im tired of proving to robots that I’m not a robot. I’ve never asked a robot to prove they’re not a human.

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

The “over the counter” term for non-prescription drugs is the single most confusing term we’ve come with to date. Literally every prescription I’ve ever gotten has been handed to me, over the counter.

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

Can someone please go wake up Billie Joe Armstrong?

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

@DemetriMartin, I made that joke in 2010. I’ll take some of your @netflix royalties from your new special. Just Venmo me.

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

People walking aroung carrying their dog's poo in a sack is gross. I'm going to try it without a dog, just to see what people think.

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

Starting a nonprofit. Towels for old men in locker rooms. Just one dollar a day...

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

Who wants to go to Hawaii and play, the floor is lava?

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

Do extremely good looking people know they’re extremely good looking? Asking for a friend.

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

Concerned about your Facebook data being shared without your authorization? Just like all different things now. Used to like Star Wars? Maybe start liking baseball. Used to like Olive Garden? Maybe start liking corgis. #lifehacks

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

I always get nervous whenever I randomly see my PIN number out in the world. I always look around to make sure nobody else sees what I’m seeing.

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

Dear @pizzahut, caught one of your drivers rifling through my car on camera. Customer service didn’t care to hear any details and said it’s a police matter. Are you saying you are fine with continuing to employ criminals? Seems like a major liability and PR nightmare.

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

I feel like trail mix should actually be called office desk drawer mix.

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

Who’s watching the World Series of baseball?

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

@Crest what's going on here? Full bottle ruined. #ThanksObama

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

Hey @Buck, who wore it better? #royals #MuteBuck

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

@Delta @DeltaAssist 25 empty comfort+ seats and you kick me out. My next leg is DTW to PVG. 14.5hrs. Throw me a bone.

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

I take my coffee brown.

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

Boriiiing #2012Debate

[Matt O'Laughlin @mattolaughlin]

@neal_lemonlime taking a picture of his shoes.