Sober 9000

bruv/mans Heavy penis guy

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

Everyone stop asking if I got a bbl 😒

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

Also Michigan is a fraud team, bought all their talent because the program actually sucks there

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

UConn men’s team full of losers, can’t make a shot in the second half I hope you all snap your legs

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

“Yeah I’ll do 2 dozen eggs on the Cobb salad please. Really trying to cook up the air when I get home”

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

Cobb salad with extra eggs??? WHO THE FUCK ORDERS THAT…. this is who

[Lauren @sneakytall]

You know…if I have 6-8 margaritas I am like so shitfaced
- my dad describing the obvious

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

Thank you Garrett Whitlock!

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

Got $180 back for a tax return because I didn’t qualify for any tax breaks. This county is a failed state prison

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

Life changed when I found out they’re not slopping hogs anymore

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

These two teams hate having the football

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

Bears are inventing new ways to be bad at football

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

Anderson cooper has gone nonverbal

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

Imagine having to go home to a 400 square foot apartment after this

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

Bullshit at home and work, nothing like the holidays in New England!!

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

If you consistently deny or reject someone, don’t be surprised when they stop trying at all

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

My wife said I’m the hottest guy she’s been with the other day but I just went thru a bunch of their ig and I’m not even top 5 so now I’m ugly and she’s a #liar

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

Chat am I cooked…?

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

My wife showed a picture of my balls to her nail lady #devastated

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

My wife showed a picture of my balls to her nail lady #devastated

[Sober 9000 @mattschena]

The refs want to soak with the byu players later obviously

[UConn Football @UConnFootball]

The Devil Went Down in East Hartford 😈