Matt B

It's 4:20 somewhere

[Matt B @mattwindu]

My doorbell says Larry is people

[Matt B @mattwindu]

@klem1544 @NicoGoBlue Anyone want to buy my cellar?

[Matt B @mattwindu]

@NicoGoBlue You must have registered a long time ago. It's not something you have to update unless you move. They have a list of registered people in each precinct, and if you aren't on it, you don't get a ballot. Ever had jury duty?

[Matt B @mattwindu]

@NicoGoBlue Are you sure your vote is being counted? I'm looking into it and all I can find is you can vote at the clerks office with an absentee ballot, but it also says that's where you'd have to register.

[Matt B @mattwindu]

Yesterday, I learned a little about my Great Grandpa Dewey Blocksma. He was born in 1884. I was born in 1984. Doesn't seem possible.

[Matt B @mattwindu]

My buddy Karl pulled out a pipe shaped like a duck yesterday. I asked if it was for smoking quack.

[Matt B @mattwindu]

Just got a text from an old friend I've been trying to reach for years and I'm crying like he's back from the dead. Tonight is a great night.

[Matt B @mattwindu]

I'm a man. I'm 40.

[Matt B @mattwindu]

Here come the Broncos

[Matt B @mattwindu]

Wouldn't the ocean rising and moving the coastline inward create less oceanfront property?

[Matt B @mattwindu]

I bought a pack of Puma underwear and there's no dickhole?? Is this because woke??

[Matt B @mattwindu]

@DocJeezy I did that same shit but spaghetti carbonara

[Matt B @mattwindu]

Tim Walz looks like a cross between Steve Martin and Tom Arnold.

[Matt B @mattwindu]

Craisins are just crazy raisins

[Matt B @mattwindu]

How did America take 5th in the gun one?

[Matt B @mattwindu]

Does it mean I'm getting old if I don't recognize any of the songs from @alyankovic's new polka??

[Roy Bellamy @roybelly]

Sam Reinhart 2-1 Florida

[Matt B @mattwindu]

My Union failed me today.

[Matt B @mattwindu]

@DeviateHulk @TheWapplehouse The case was against an abusive father, and the only testimony on behalf of the victims was from a cop. They were literally asking everyone if we had a problem with police. Also, didn't lie.

[Matt B @mattwindu]

If you have short term and long term memory loss, can't you just call it memory loss?

[Thomas Chatterton Williams @thomaschattwill]

“I have cognitive problems, clearly,” [Kennedy] said in the 2012 deposition. “I have short-term memory loss, and I have longer-term memory loss that affects me.”