Quiet Criminal

writer: formerly @Twitter (but please don’t hold that against me)
bi x 2 (polar and sexual - but please don’t hold that against me)

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

“Bet on yourself.” - Pete Rose; 1987

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

@Complex y’all are becoming such a joke. it’s super depressing.

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

@Flynnjamm how incredibly fucking lame

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

@BrickCenter_ do y’all only know like 11 words?

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

@BrickCenter_ y’all need engagement this bad? big fucking loser behavior.

[Danhausen @DanhausenAD]

@wingstop hausen says pickup your favorite flavors this WrestleMania season, or.. YOU.. ARE..CURSED! #ad

@WWE

[Wingstop @wingstop]

share this with your boss so you can eat and bracket during work.

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

i can’t believe he only had 9 rebounds.

[Wingstop @wingstop]

if you start eating a 5PC combo at 11:47 the clock will strike midnight just as you bite into another wing (which number wing is up to you)

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

The Muppet Christmas Carol reminds me a lot of Inception.

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

“Dick isn’t in enough.” - me watching the Raptors by myself

[Wingstop @wingstop]

millennials in 2025
•age: 39
•net worth: 40PC to 50PC
•kids: just the wings
•house: studio apartment where wings are eaten
•sleep: after eating wings
•anxiety: delivery driver can’t find apartment building

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

what did you smoke?

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

i think i like turtles more frogs but i do like frogs a lot. 🤷‍♂️

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

@RyanWalters_ @FoxNews @kevincorke you’re a really bad person. kids in your state deserve so much better.

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

being the hero AND the villain in your own story is fucking exhausting.

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

nothing stresses old white men out more than pulling a boat into a dock.

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

was Donnie Wahlberg dead the whole time?

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

Phoenix Suns coach Mike Budenholzer has never not looked constipated.

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

what dispensary do you think Jokic goes to?

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

I hate this.

[Quiet Criminal @mattwink]

when i was a kid i was specifically told i could not listen to Naughty by Nature. i just saw a Starbucks commercial featuring a Naughty by Nature song during an NBA game and i was like … ok. this is my first X in a while thx for your time.