Matthew Dowd

Just dowdloaded twitter to treat the world to my witty banter

[Matthew Dowd @mattylaughs]

Somewhere out there is a middle aged man in a super dry jacket trying to enjoy a festival but can't because everyone thinks he's a garda

[Christopher @molochofficial]

It’s increasingly clear that Ellen DeGeneres was an environmentally significant apex predator in the media ecosystem; she’d have extracted all entertainment value from the Hawk Tuah girl in a 3-minute segment and banished her back to anonymity, maintaining ecological balance

[Trill Withers @TylerIAm]

There’s a part of my childhood that’s gone forever if Tyson lose tonight. Like if jordan got crossed up by Mr beast

[BG™️ @s1mon_g]

WHAT ABOUT 4🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Nooby 🍉 @VeryRealNooby]

As this random guy on tiktok said

[Ciarán Carlin @ciarcarlin]

Match of the Day hit like crack when there was no way to see any highlights before then, you're just watching it and a fella does this

[Granite Man 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @GraniteDhuine]

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they're having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

[Asher Perlman @asherperlman]

Mine in the September 9, 2024 issue of The New Yorker

[Billie @Billie_T]

Imagine your team going down 3-0 and Peter Drury pulling out a GCSE English poem right in your ear, my head would be on mars

[honey darling @athousandpisses]

at the grocery store muttering “gimme dat shit” every time i put an item in my cart

[Ed @eddo75]

No point in people kicking off about Breakdancing being in the Olympics

It’s like that

And that’s the way it is

[𝙇𝙞𝙖𝙢 @OfficialVizeh]

Pep has made Mikel Arteta a seriously ill man

[duck @imdrinkingwine]

hey do you want to start a business together? i have no work ethic and i might kill myself. anyway let me know

[evdokios @evdokios]

avril lavigne first drafts

[Andy Murray @andy_murray]

Never even liked tennis anyway.

[Sober Sister Casey “Cici” Cooper @soneall89]

When you’ve finished all the little puzzles on your phone before 8:30

[Matthew Dowd @mattylaughs]

@dublinbusnews where's the bus at 3816? Was supposed to be here at 8:15

[Matthew Dowd @mattylaughs]

@ViewFromTheQ Is there any point going to Q now?

[TPH @TPH141190]

Carraghers t shirt here haha