Maude Elyse

wanderin' and ponderin' 🤙🏼

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

Wow I just logged into X for the first time in 8 months and it posted all the things I thought I’ve been posting for months - all at once. I deeply apologize.

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

I really only like some of your moms. Some of your moms really suck. And you know it.

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

I do not like everyone. Why would I expect everyone to like me?

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

@FearedBuck Light as a feather. Flat at a board. **starts levitating**

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

I’ve been 5’2” since I was 13. Never. And I mean never, was I under a size 6. And at 30. With no effort really at all. I am a zero. If you woulda told me that 10 years ago I would’ve spit my drink out.

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

I’m really loving seeing all my girls from HS thrive in their early 30s. I mean maybe not as much as I enjoyed watching them get fat in their 20s but now we’re all looking good! 😂

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

Crazy thing is - it hit and we made 10k off the ad. lol

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

lol you really never know who made that thing you’re insulting. Today a dude ravaged my ad design. To me. Not knowing I made it. He called me an idiot and he doesn’t even know it.

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

I drunk ordered two identical bed frames.

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

“Is communion like… catholic cookies?”😂

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

So funny how you break up with someone for all the right reasons and people still find a way to make it wrong.

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

2 beds 2 baths - all mine.

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

I feel like I’m waking up from a 4 year slumber…

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

Your daily reminder that you are a different person to every single person you meet. Stop taking people at their word for their feelings about another.

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

Ignorance would be such bliss, huh?

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

Someone asked me today if my tattoos are real….. that’s all.

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

I am deeply depressed. And idk what to do about it.

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

lol I visited my boyfriend of 5 years family and we weren’t allowed to sleep together.

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

I’m not gonna lie - Dicked Down In Dallas is a great song.

[Maude Elyse @maudelyse]

Like I’m sorry did your mom just call out for you? Yes. Yes she did.