beaned_cans

Veni Vidi Vici. I see that you're on my Twitter, get ready to be depressed.

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

There's no better way to describe myself other than "subjectively funny and in a committed relationship with my dog"

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

@J__xo_ Should I answer that truthfully?

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

@J__xo_

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

(I only ever come on here to see @J__xo_ talking shit)

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

If you’re reading this and are going to be at our wedding - please kick me in the nuts a few times bc I’m realizing that I’m going to cry like a little girl and I am not looking forward to it

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

Oh yeah, I still have Twitter, almost forgot about that… #thisoneisntadepressingtweetforachange

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

@J__xo_ Omw

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

I just burped so loud that it scared Beans and I’m crying hahahahaha

[Mike Scully @scullymike]

The Pursuit of Slappyness #Oscars

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

I can’t wait to have kids one day so I can teach them to be a total piece of shit just like their dad

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

Ruined my own birthday. Good job Max, you fucking moron.

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

[both things that happened tonight]

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

I love the life we’ve built for ourselves, even through all the struggles (and even when Asher farts in my face or when @J__xo_ pushes me off the bed in her sleep)

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

@J__xo_ When did Asher propose?

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

@J__xo_ 😢

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

@J__xo_ I got a job for ya

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

Oh lord I think I deserve a little better than this, I think I’ve earned it. So I’ll just keep humming this song and hope you follow

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

God I can’t wait to be a dad one day. I’m gonna be the best bad influence ever

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

@GingerWildheart Hereditary. Watched in broad daylight, still did not sit well

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

God damn it I could really use a beer

[beaned_cans @maxcasag]

@J__xo_ Asher might have to fill in