Max Davitt

waning gibbous stan account

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

optimist: moon half full
pessimist: moon half empty
astronomer: waning gibbous

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

Add tinsult to copperjury

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

There’s no way Vehicle Identification Number Diesel is his real name

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

Those in bulletproof glass houses should absolutely throw stones, should they so please

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

You know why Americans don’t like F1? Because it’s 249 too few F’s

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

It’s annoying how every sitcom goes from “tension between quirky personalities” to “isn’t it just so nice how much we all love each other?”

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

100% of profits go to kids in need. My kids. Fortnite skins are expensive

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

At least America uses the metric system for money. Can you imagine if it was like “ok that’ll be two and five eights dollars”

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

Just heard a piano cover of Memories by Maroon 5… not every song needs a piano cover, dude

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

what if they made a movie that was like: “wow this robot is basically a real human”

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

ABC: A Billion Croissonts

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

If you don’t think spelling “kool” with a k is cool then I’m sorry but you might be unkool

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

You may not like it, but Whittier, Alaska is what peak urbanism looks like

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

When opportunity knock knocks, ask “who’s there?”

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

How can March be real if its Ides aren’t real?

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more of a human person
So it’s a bad comparison
Like apples and oranges really

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

new year, new everyone else plz

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

It's always highways to the danger zone and never high speed rail to the danger zone

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

They should have called that movie "Good at Math Will Hunting"

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

Cajun-style Blackened Friday

[Max Davitt @maxdavitt]

Requiring a driver’s license to vote is the most car-brained thing ever