Max Pryce

my Insta @maxprycecomedy is better follow me there

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

for $20 i’ll go to your ex’s page and comment “this is AI.  look how fucked up the hands are” on a photo

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

the biggest plot hole in Lord of the Rings is that 9 middle aged white men set off for Mordor and not one of them brought a gun

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

me showing the dentist i’ve been flossing like a good boy

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

@BxciiNG @JamesPMNFan @LeadingReport it’s a troll account lol

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

@playoffjake derrick white and it’s not even close

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

idk what level of narcissism this is but I continue to sing the lyrics wrong even after I discover the correct words cause I like my version better

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

what if

AND HEAR ME OUT

we keep the immigrants and just deport people that fully stop their car to make a right turn?

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

being an “early riser” is such a weird flex like bro I promise I did not want that worm in the first place. i’m going back to sleep cause I love myself

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

Give us this day our daily text, and forgive us our E-Z Pass tolls, as we forgive those who E-Z Pass against us 🙏🕊️

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

nobody:

that one billboard in St. Louis:

[Adam Loewy @LoewyLawFirm]

Sharing this A+ analysis on the Luka trade by the always insightful @chris_kratovil

Makes a ton of sense to me from the #txlege angle - esp considering Lite Patrick likely done next Session.

Good stuff. Read it 👇🏼

#txlege
#MFFL

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

I appreciate people that vandalize bathroom stalls because how else would I have known that some guy named *checks notes* Mark is gay?

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

normal people in the gym: 1 more mile on the treadmill and i’ve burned enough calories for the day :) 

me in the gym: if i hit all 12 reps it means i just knocked out that guy who said i wasn’t funny in 2018

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

peeling a hard boiled egg without ruining it is like parallel parking.

I can’t.

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

my son telling me about the stray cat he saw the other day during the most important scene of the movie I paid $67 for us to go see

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

5 years ago some random guy called me “edward hipsterhands” and I still think it’s the funniest thing i’ve ever heard

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

*reading the word queue*

my brain: queue

also my brain: kyooeeooee

[Max Pryce @maxprycecomedy]

Home Alone is just the House of 1000 Corpses Kidz Bop Remix