maycie marcellais

[Commuting Sopranos @SubwaySopranos]

8:31 a.m. 2 train

[insane freak guy @Beer_Pisser]

I kept smelling weed at work and was like what the hell who got that office pack on em,
Turns out my pen was in my pocket and the button was pressing into my chair for like a good 3 or 4 minutes

[Ausla! @Au5la]

fortnite is so funny because you either have the time of your life playing or contemplate killing yourself while playing and there is literally no in-between

[ary @aryuus]

being dead is probably so relaxing

[ale 🐞 @stonedinurattic]

the constant pit in my stomach knows things i don’t

[indie @INDIEWASHERE]

when your worst fears actually come true so now you’re finally free

[323 @Ggod323]

I probably killed a future president in Fortnite or something

[turd @goonageddon]

my broke buddy got twins on the way and he hit a $400 parlay the other night and ordered a parrot online

[bigsock @biggersocks]

how may is going to feel

[di🍸 @valleydoIl]

Life is so serious rn that I forgot it’s 4/20 today thinking of my girl

[Case Bradford @Casebradford]

Sunshine “causing skin cancer” has got to be one of the dumbest beliefs in the history of mankind.

[stickydacat @stickydacat]

Shower farts so loud knock off all the shampoos with one simple blow

[maycie marcellais @mayciejayde]

me with the twins

[iza @izamamaa]

I often think about Joseline showing up to her daughters school like this

[microplastics nanobubbler @facetedcarapace]

Doing lines of Skyrizi in the bathroom of the Denver Airport

[🐝 Bee 🐝 @SavinTheBees]

Slot machines when you win .75 cents:

[A🪲 @seattleiminyou]

I’ve been taking prenatal vitamins because I heard it’s good for hair growth and my buttcrack hair was like 2 inches long just now so it works

[redveil @redveil]

they romanticizing my elementary school years 💔

[UncSants @SantsRNTL]

They just raised my antisemitism by 70%