Hannah Mayer

go cubs go 🤠

[Hannah Mayer @MAYERforMAYOR]

Sorry I’m so weird

[Hannah Mayer @MAYERforMAYOR]

Puppy monkey baby

[Andrew Tate @Cobratate]

As one of the most influential men on the face of the planet

It is important for the good of humanity that I live as long as possible

At my current strength levels, I estimate to survive for at least 5000 more years

With this in mind, I take my medical care extremely seriously

[🦢 @kayswan_]

me: i just smoked

IDIOT FRIEND: "was it indica or sativa?"

me: bro it was fucking crack

*dies of crack overdose*

*ambulance comes and brings me back to life*

me: holy shit wtf happened

paramedics: u smoking too much crack my boy 😂😂😂😂

me: damn. where my crack at tho

paramedic: *dies*

me: i guess i know where the rest of my crack went 😂😂😂

other paramedic: actually he had a serious history of heart problems and just had a heart attack

me: bruh

other paramedic: nah jk bro smoked ALL of your crack

me: that fucking fiend. anyway please dont charge me for saving my life

paramedic: why shouldn't i?

me: cuz i need to buy more crack mf 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

paramedic: ZOOWEEMAMA

rowley: wtf mike did u jus steal my joke

me: yeah

jeff kinney: yeah buddy ur getting sued for $500m

me: wtf 🤯 how am i going to buy anymore crack now???

el chapo: did someone say crack?

the 3 CIA vans all parked outside my house because they were going to commit a sting operation on me: EL CHAPO FREEZE U ARE UNDER ARREST FOR LIKE EVERY CRIME EVER

el chapo: zooweemama 😭😭😭😭😭😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😂😂😂😂😭😭😂😂😭😭😭😂😂😂😭

The End.

[Hannah Mayer @MAYERforMAYOR]

Respect pyromaniac puma Dylan bear

[Hannah Mayer @MAYERforMAYOR]

Ahhhh yes, Valentine’s Day.. the day where men come out of the woodwork to pay homage to their girlfriend absolutely no one knew about

[Dustin Grage @GrageDustin]

Not a single drop of water is getting past that bad boy.

[The Notorious J.O.V. @whotfisjovana]

ur really gonna act like that? when santa claus is literally coming to town

[Hannah Mayer @MAYERforMAYOR]

***edibles

[JUMEX 🪶 @vmpchriis]

date idea: we both take melatonin at 9pm and get 10hrs of sleep

[REAL TJ Otz @REALtj_otz]

Caleb Grill leaving the arena and walking by UNC fans.

[Noor ✭ @Noorthevirgo]

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girls picture

[esther povitsky @littleesther]

it’s harder than u think to communicate w someone who isn’t familiar w the world of spongebob

[milk @milkstrology]

no one:
scorpio placements:

[Hannah Mayer @MAYERforMAYOR]

got an insane pump from the shake weight today

[. @MarisaKabas]

I want to see something: Have you ever taken a day off from work for your mental health but were too embarrassed to say it, so you pretended it was something else?

[Hannah Mayer @MAYERforMAYOR]

Would love a fire breakfast burrito rn

[Sarah McGonagall @gothspiderbitch]

so did anyone else know that there was a massive pool noodle battle planned between all the people named Josh today that was ultimately won by a 5-year old named Josh who was crowned The Supreme Josh or was I just supposed to find this out on my own

[Eric @EricEsoteric_]

this dog is a scorpio