Things most Americans agree on:
Groceries cost too much.
Tariffs suck and make no sense.
Congress and Presidents shouldn’t trade stocks.
The debt is a mess.
The border should be secure, but legal immigration is good.
Endless wars are stupid, especially ones that nobody wants and have never been explained.
Americans are exhausted.
AI is like my new best friend that also might be trying to take my job, my ability to think for myself, and my humanity in the process. Yo like I love you, but WTF, but I still love you.
Diversity is actually awesome! The opposite is boring AF.
Canadians are super fucking cool.
Mexicans are chill.
Putin isn’t a good guy looking out for America’s best interest. Rocky IV and Miracle are great movies.
Good neighbors are a blessing.
Freedom of religion and coexistence without having to blow each other up is probably a good idea.
We all question, are we alone in the universe?
We all fuck up along the way.
Epstein didn’t hang himself.
The Trumps and Epstein were best friends for decades. It’s like Bert trying to tell us Ernie was just an acquaintance in the same social scene on Sesame Street back in the day.
The Cowboys suck. Go Birds!
Things we’re told to fight about:
Me.
Laptop.
Vaccines.
Transgenders in sports.
Pronouns.
That’s the joke.
REVEALED: It took 18 months, and multiple FOI battles, but we can now reveal Ireland approved €20 million in military-capable dual-use exports to the IDF and Israeli Ministry of Defense during the height of its military assault on Gaza in 2024.
https://t.co/2AuwzQsKKX
Dear Italy,
Your PM just defended Pope and lost an ally in Washington — the Commander in Grief, yet the most 'powerfool'man on earth.
We'd like to apply for the vacancy.
Our qualifications: 7,000 years of civilization, a shared love of poetry, architecture, and food that takes longer to prepare than Trump's attention span.
The only thing Iran and Italy have ever fought over is who invented ice cream. Faloodeh came first. Gelato came louder. We've been in a 'cold' war over this for 2,000 years.
🚨 LANGUAGE ALERT
Springsteen called Trump a snowflake.
In Persian, snowflake is nazok-narenji — literally "thin-orange." We take strong exception to this characterization.
WE CONDEMN THIS USE OF NAZOK-NARENJI.
This man:
- picks a fight with the Pope For opposing war. Then posts himself as Christ, gets caught, says "I thought I was a doctor". In robes and a halo (Apparently the robes were a lab coat and the halo was a headlamp).
- threatens to send a nation back to the Stone Age. Finally, a destination he's qualified to govern.
- locks a door that was already locked, with 15 warships standing guard. By day two, Iran-linked ships are ignoring them like the Navy is just a scarecrow.
- says on camera he likes hanging out with losers because they listen to his success stories (accidentally revealing his cabinet selection process).
That's not thin-skinned. That's the thickest orange on the planet.
Just narenji.
Read slowly.
"We don't need the Strait." "Go open it yourselves." "Fine, we'll open it." "Actually, we're blockading it." "OK not blockading everyone."
Five positions. Six weeks. Two of them today. And our armed forces just sat there, sipping tea, watching America negotiate with America over a strait Iran already blockades.
Empires used to fall in centuries. This one can't hold a policy for an afternoon.
America sent a destroyer warship to the strait of Hormuz to intimidate Iran before the negotiations.
Iran picked up the phone: "You have 30 minutes."
The ship turned around. It made a U-turn immediately!
Then a Pentagon official had to go on AXIOS and explain that actually it was only "freedom of navigation".
Now we know what a U-turn means.
No shots fired. No missiles launched. Just Iran's word. And apparently, that was enough.
Let it be remembered in history
We have never started a war.
We have never invaded anyone.
We have not killed children.
We have protected our homeland, dearer to us than our lives.
Following Israel’s attacks on Lebanon, Iran has once again halted oil tanker traffic through the Strait of Hormuz and announced that it is preparing a response to Israel.
تیغ دادن دَر کَفِ زَنگیِ مَست
بِهْ که آیَد عِلم، ناکَس را به دَست
عِلم و مال و مَنصَب و جاه و قِران
فِتنه آمَد دَر کَفِ بَدگوهَران
مولانا مثنوی معنوی
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt
Mark Twain