Captain Appleseed

Someday, oh someday,
I will lay my head down
#FuckHeroin

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

This would almost work as a Goose music video

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

@AutismFam OG shit there

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

@phuckchristy @JesseMixMan Guy Fieri has a spot down there😁

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

@jcoleman10 I have a hammer like that, though I've never used the feature. If I'm grabbing a nail from my bag, it goes straight to wall with left hand and drive with the right. It's an added motion to attach it to the hammer that I don't take.

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

No professional carpenter does this to my knowledge, and I've worked around a lot of them.

[Learn Something @cooltechtipz]

How old were you when you found out?

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

@Jhmurphy24 Nothing loves you like a Boxer

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

@UtopiaCafeJon That's what's up!

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

Nothing like February in Chicago.

Anyhoo, I'll still probably be there😁

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

@brianmc_arch I only go with claw hammers anyway.

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

@momof3gogogo @usbank Banks are the devil

[Doug Stanhope @DougStanhope]

I understand nobody really engages in twitter anymore but I'd sure love some RTs on my last tweet inviting the president of Romania down to this fine comedy festival.

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

And you guys waste your time cancelling people with fake outrage while I mine for gold nuggets like this on the interwebs.

We are not the same.

[𝕊𝕋𝔸＄ℍ @ashstarr88]

Request: Stop jumping on the trendy thing to be noticed about for the day. Bullying in any direction is still bullying. Don’t @ me.

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

@grobbinator That works too

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

I don't believe in the Bible, but God damned if it doesn't feel like the End Times are here.

I suggest taking a heroic dose of mushrooms and reading Revelations this weekend.

I mean, I won't be doing that, but you should.

Report back.

[Mt. St. Helens @MtStHelensWA]

Mexico has entered the chat

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

Happy Place

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

@tweezerfest I kind of enjoyed the thrill😁

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

@jcenerizio @forty_six_and2 I have not? I'm guessing I should?

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

@debbieprints1 That a lil cutie pie right there

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

@AutismFam Big Gulps, eh?

[Captain Appleseed @mcaction2442]

I know I've been gassing up Europe lately. I really loved it, but they didn't have my Magic Coke machines over there.

It's good to be home😁