Mike McDonagh

May you always have laughter to cheer you, and those you love near you ~Just an average guy with exceptional hair~

[Deniis🪐 @ALEXAGY0]

Gen Z does not understand that the economy used to be so good that if you had a roommate people genuinely thought you might be gay.

[Ronit Pereira @CAronitpereira]

“It says here in the history book that the good guys have won every single time.”

- Norm MacDonald

[What’s the Word? @wtwmass]

Two Massachusetts State Troops caught on camera in a fight at Reel House in Quincy MA last night

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

Fox News and Facebook did to our parents exactly what they said video games would do to us.

[Nithya Shri @Nithya_Shrii]

They took memory cards from us and then made us pay for storage.

[MP Arizona☀️🏳️‍🌈💙🌵🐕🐕‍🦺🫂💦🏜🐟🌴🎙🌎🌻♍️🌊 @AzPetrich]

According to our Constitution, we should have overthrown our government by now.

[Drew @drewdyck]

Panera is the perfect choice when you’re not sick but you’re craving hospital food. And you’re like, my bank balance is too high.

[Thrilla the Gorilla @ThrillaRilla369]

I gotta be honest we’d probably be better off if Y2K had actually ruined all the computers back in 2000

[MM  @adgirlMM]

Imagine being forced to give someone 6.2% of your paycheck, every single check, every month, for 30 to 50 years of your life.

And that person said, "Don't worry, I'm holding this for you and will pay it back to you on a monthly basis, when you retire at 65."

And then they said, "Nah, just kidding. I meant when you retire at 67. And at that time, I'll only give you 70% of what you paid me."

And then they said, "Oops, I spent all your money. You're out of luck."

That's the U.S. government.

[Kentucky Girl @Notwokenow]

He murdered someone.

That’s actually against the law.

Hope that helps explain things.

[Matt Kibbe @MattKibbe]

It’s *still* not too late to admit that Thomas Massie was right about starting a war with Iran. And everything else, for that matter.

[Ian Smith, Sr. @iansmithfitness]

Politicians in the 90s: I smoked pot but I didn't inhale.

Politicians in 2026: I raped kids I just didn't eat them.

[Anonymous @YourAnonNews]

Grow some flowers. Grass is stupid. Grow gardens.

[Cernovich @Cernovich]

The psyop men fall for is, “You can have kids anytime.” While true, the other side of this coin is, “Every day you delay kids is a day you don’t get with your grandkids.”

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

[eliza ˙⋆✮ @enchantedflms]

bold of u to assume i ever stopped calling it twitter

[emily @cicadaxxseason]

the future of america is eating a pb&j every day so you can get a 50 year mortgage on a house next to a data center with a view of a tailings pond and a CAFO

[Financial Physics @FinancialPhys]

“Why won’t my $600,000 house sell…?”

Because it’s only worth realistically $160,000

[Mr. Nobody @MmisterNobody]

It feels like Earth was designed perfectly for us, rain falling from the sky, food growing from the ground, yet somehow we’ve built a world where people need good credit scores, multiple jobs, and 40-hour workweeks just to survive