Matthew Willyhands

SLAAAAAAAYER !!! 🤙

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

#MoodBoard

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

The Substance but Danny DeVito crawling out of me.

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

My butthole is haunted.

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

Went here today.
Everyone knew your mom.

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

In Da Clerb We All Fam

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

I’m going to start entering rooms like how Stone Cold Steve Austin did by cracking beer cans over his head but instead of cans of beer I’m going to use cans of baked beans.

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

The best thing about wearing a death metal t shirt is if you drop food down it nobody can reallly tell.

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

Cannibal Corpse didn’t play I Cum Blood tonight. So I would appreciate you respect my privacy during this trying time.

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

What’s the deal with triplets ?
What do you need three of the same baby for ?
What are you planning ?

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

No thoughts just gherkin.

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

Today a woman with a baby yoda tattoo told me my t shirt was stupid.

This is the t shirt

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

Babe wake up, a new dinosaur just dropped.

https://t.co/xA0tPYrx7i

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

When I die I want a “Honk if You’re Horny !” bumper sticker on the hearse I’m in.

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

Them: People in my day weren’t autistic.

People in their day:

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

Terrible day for buildings.
Great day for thrash metal.

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

Just been kicked out of spoons for trying to pay with coins from the penny press from the sea life centre.

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

Linkin Park ?
More like Stinkin’ Fart !

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

Do you think pro lifers hate abortion because those babies get to go straight to heaven without having to deal with any of the bullshit of being ?

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

What’s up with those Do Not Disturb signs ?
What’s on the other side ?
Get Down with the Sickness !?

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

Happy The Crow (2024) day to those that celebrate.

[Matthew Willyhands @mdlw_1990]

Whenever I see the gluten free option on a menu abbreviated to the GF option my brain goes back to 2006 MSN and reads that as the girl friend option and then I’m left thinking if I can truly commit to this lasagna.