Matthew Douty

Proud @Mizzou grad. Married to the beautiful @marisamdouty. Opinions expressed are my own.

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

Things most Americans agree on:

Groceries cost too much.

Tariffs suck and make no sense.

Congress and Presidents shouldn’t trade stocks.

The debt is a mess.

The border should be secure, but legal immigration is good.

Endless wars are stupid, especially ones that nobody wants and have never been explained.

Americans are exhausted.

AI is like my new best friend that also might be trying to take my job, my ability to think for myself, and my humanity in the process. Yo like I love you, but WTF, but I still love you.

Diversity is actually awesome! The opposite is boring AF.

Canadians are super fucking cool.

Mexicans are chill.

Putin isn’t a good guy looking out for America’s best interest. Rocky IV and Miracle are great movies.

Good neighbors are a blessing.

Freedom of religion and coexistence without having to blow each other up is probably a good idea.

We all question, are we alone in the universe?

We all fuck up along the way.

Epstein didn’t hang himself.

The Trumps and Epstein were best friends for decades. It’s like Bert trying to tell us Ernie was just an acquaintance in the same social scene on Sesame Street back in the day.

The Cowboys suck. Go Birds!

Things we’re told to fight about:

Me.
Laptop.
Vaccines.
Transgenders in sports.
Pronouns.

That’s the joke.

[JANDY @Jandystl]

St. Louis Cardinals teams who have won at-least 28 of their first 47 games since 2000:

2026 (Rebuilding)
2015 (Won 100 games)
2013 (National League Champions)
2009 (Playoffs)
2006 (Won World Series)
2005 (Won 100 games)
2000 (Playoffs)

So much fun.

[IcyVert @IcyVert]

Him acknowledging them is realistically what baseball is all about

[Sarah Longwell @SarahLongwell25]

He gets a ballroom. An Arch. A new reflecting pool. 10 billion directly into his pocket from taxpayers. Billions from special interests seeking favors and pardons.

What has America gotten? Tariffs, a new war, higher gas prices, inflation.

Truly a golden age.

[Acyn @Acyn]

Trump on Iran War:

Reporter: What extent are Americans’ financial situation motivating you to make a deal?

Trump: Not even a little bit. I don't think about Americans’ financial situation

[Sophia ❣️ @KeruboSk]

Work. Work. Work. Stay hydrated. Go to the dentist. 10,000 steps. “What’s for dinner?” Insurance. Drink water. Pay a bill. Pay a bill. Smile. Credit Score. Check engine light. Go get gas. ALLERGIES! TAXES! STUDENT LOANS! Phone storage full. Email. Email. Apple $12.99. Apple $9.99. Subscriptions. Subscription. Overdraft. Laundry. Fold. Text. Text. Text. Clean the house. “I haven’t seen you in a while.” Doctors appoinment. Hair appoinment. Nail appointment. RENT. WAR! GOVERNMENT! POLITICS! THE PRESIDENT!!

[MLB @MLB]

Alec Burleson: absolutely electric ⚡️

#OpeningDay

[Home of the Brave @OfTheBraveUSA]

JD Vance in September 2025: "If you celebrate Charlie Kirk's death, you should not be protected from being fired for being a disgusting person."

[That Guy Rocked CFB @ThatFBGuyRocked]

Chase Daniel.

That guy rocked.

[Kyle Umlang @kyleumlang]

Sorry, but that’s a good speech

[Ross Dellenger @RossDellenger]

🚨🎙️🚨 New College Football Enquirer pod: Why the CFP dates are so late and SEC QBs fight for another season of eligibility

https://t.co/vTM9ULJCoM

[mistopher mack 🦭 @motherquoter]

The New Yorker's art department never misses

[Caleb Rowden @calebrowden]

Missouri’s football team (whose expanded stadium will seat more fans than the new Chiefs stadium) 🤷🐯 #MIZ #MissourisTeam

[M @ShowMeZou]

MISSOURI’S Football Team

[Uncle Danny @uncledanny24]

How does this part work for St. Louisans who tried to justify jumping on the bandwagon by calling Chiefs “Missouri’s team”?

Or the True Sons & Daughters from other parts of Missouri who joined the bandwagon the last few years. YOU are going to support a team based in kansas?!?

[Tim Hannan @TimHannan]

The craziest thing about Tylenol and autism is that Donald Trump is in the Epstein files.

[Mizzou Football @MizzouFootball]

Welcome back 🤝 @GamecockFB

[Eliah Drinkwitz @CoachDrinkwitz]

Guess we will never know

[Governor Newsom Press Office @GovPressOffice]

You won’t be “handing” us anything, Carl