Carl

Aggressively mediocarl
#SlaybrahamLincoln

[Carl @mediocarl]

@IsaacWestergard Gotta catch 'em all...all those nutrients that is

[Carl @mediocarl]

Drake started playing basketball at 30.

[Carl @mediocarl]

Did you know you can just buy spirit airlines pilot uniforms from Amazon?

[Carl @mediocarl]

@IsaacWestergard Killdeer's are annoying as hell, dawg

[Carl @mediocarl]

Costco date idea: buy a rotisserie chicken and a tray of blackberries. Then dazzle your date by eating the entire order in front of them. That's dinner and a show for $8.98. #CostcoBro #ThinkingOutsideTheBigBox #Costco #BrotisserieChicken

[Carl @mediocarl]

Iced coffee is a scam

[Carl @mediocarl]

@IsaacWestergard Paul Fleming Chang's

[Carl @mediocarl]

George W. Bush was the Brett Farve of presidents. #MVPresident #CrocsDad #ChronicTraumaticEncehalopatahy

[Carl @mediocarl]

@IsaacWestergard I hate Happy. None of the lyrics make sense.

[Carl @mediocarl]

Antonio Brown stole 18 year old J.J.'s lunch.

[Carl @mediocarl]

Telling people your new years resolution so they can hold you accountable is a great way to find out that no one cares about you.

[Carl @mediocarl]

The only thing that's more fun than playing Settlers of Catan is hearing someone describe Settlers of Catan to someone who's never played Settlers of Catan.

[Carl @mediocarl]

When I inevitably work at a giant corporation I think I'll be the guy in the office who calls everyone big dawg. My cubicle will be the dawg pound.

[Carl @mediocarl]

@theauntitaufeek You: this turtleneck gives me +2 sneak and +2 agility and it turns me invisible when I crouch.

[Carl @mediocarl]

@theauntitaufeek You literally sound like a 6th grade boy who claims he "Spent last summer in Japan learning ninjitsu"

[Carl @mediocarl]

If you bust out your ironic Christmas sweaters while it's still November, it's not the sweater that's ugly, just your personality.

[Carl @mediocarl]

@daughterofcher 👍

[Carl @mediocarl]

Children:

[Carl @mediocarl]

@IsaacWestergard I just saw for first time. Woah

[Carl @mediocarl]

In a lil' pond, I'm a buff fish. In a big ass lake, I'm still a pretty buff fish. #ConservationOfMASS #MassCannotBeCreatedOrDestroyed #MerelyGained #FishesEntireBodiesAreAbs