CMW

Boo Radley with broadband.

[CMW @meetchrisw]

@LeeannMWard Fair!

[CMW @meetchrisw]

@LeeannMWard I did better on Facebook too, but it wasn't worth it. I just didn't trust the platform to have any of our best interests at heart anymore.

[CMW @meetchrisw]

I stepped off the trail to give a man on a mobility scooter space. He had a Gadsden flag waving off the back of the scooter. He said "thanks" and I said "no problem," thereby missing a perfect opportunity to say "I DIDN'T WANT TO TREAD ON YOU."

[CMW @meetchrisw]

There's a truly alarming number of drinking straws littering the streets and gutters everywhere I go, and it is making me prejudiced against straw users.

[CMW @meetchrisw]

Not here to embarrass anyone, but virtually all of you have forgotten my birthday for like 35 years running. And I have baked, and single-handedly eaten, a cake for each birthday of yours.

[CMW @meetchrisw]

Credulous news articles declaring all bacon will disappear from California (sure) when the reality is we'll have to pay a little more for farmers to treat their animals a little better. Big whoop.

[CMW @meetchrisw]

Sometimes I'll ask for one soft drink and they'll say "Sorry, we only have other soft drink, is that okay?" and I'll fall down laughing at the thought of brand allegiance to a sugar water.

Honestly, you could punch me in the face and I'd probably be fine with it. I'm flexible.

[CMW @meetchrisw]

He may never check his Twitter to find this compliment, but those @petercmusic albums are really very good. Would recommend.

[CMW @meetchrisw]

I hope I never make so much money that everyone around me is terrified to tell me that I look dumb in a cowboy hat.

[CMW @meetchrisw]

@kenmortonjr @jasoneady You are an eminently sensible man, Mr. Morton.

[CMW @meetchrisw]

I've been listening to more @jasoneady the past couple days and have decided that you should do the same.

[CMW @meetchrisw]

I've walked 500 miles this year, bit by bit. But I wouldn't walk 500 more to fall down at your door unless I was specifically invited. And probably not even then.

[CMW @meetchrisw]

@stillmarried Have fun!

[CMW @meetchrisw]

If you want a home repair that really earns you great acclaim within the household, get the AC unit working again on a hot day. The gratitude of desperate, sweaty people for a $13 part.

[CMW @meetchrisw]

She's barely wearing one now. Customer, unmasked paunchy old white guy, bulges his eyes and shakes his head conspiratorially, telling her she shouldn't.

This might not go well. (2/2)

[CMW @meetchrisw]

Day 2 of California reopening:

Trader Joe's back at full capacity, most customers unmasked. Checker with mask under chin, exposing nostrils and mouth, is telling customer she's "thinking of" getting vaccinated so she won't have to wear mask anymore. (1/2)

[CMW @meetchrisw]

I've walked for at least 30 minutes every day this year.

[CMW @meetchrisw]

Trying not to let my Twitter popularity go to my head.

[CMW @meetchrisw]

One skill I could work on is not bugging my eyes out and laughing confusedly whenever someone asks if I'm married.

"Sorry, my mistake. Let's start over. This time, notice all the off-putting personal qualities that make your next question superfluous."

[CMW @meetchrisw]

Take a morning walk while listening to Don Williams. You're welcome.